


Crimson and Clover

by Yasbid



Category: Deltarune (Video Game)
Genre: Crushes, F/F, Lesbians lesbianing, Ominous Phone Calls, Physical Abuse, Police, Self-Harm, Verbal Abuse, gay shit, teenagers being stupid, terrible fathers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-02
Updated: 2020-03-04
Packaged: 2020-06-02 16:57:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 22,913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19445713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yasbid/pseuds/Yasbid
Summary: After ending up in the possession of a love letter written by Noelle, Susie starts having some strange feelings of her own.





	1. Return to Freakin' Sender

School could fuck off, actually.

At least, that's what Susie thought. And for good reason. Why would she want to spend multiple hours daily with people who hate her? 

Sure, there was Kris, but they weren't exactly the best conversationalist. Neither was she, really. 

The best she could do for now was just try to get through the day. Maybe she'd actually bother showing up to class on time, who knows. 

  
  


\--

She ignored the other students scattering off while she rummaged through her locker. No, she didn't have any actual school-related things in there. Mostly old, crumpled homework she got sick of. Plus a first aid kit, and a picture taped to the locker door of a much younger Susie. Ah, back when she cared enough to keep her mess of hair out of her face. Those were the days.

Yeah, she was running even later thanks to staring at every nook and cranny in her locker. 

She huffed, tugging the sleeves of her jacket down and walking to class, her footsteps echoing behind her.

She opened the door, a bit too forcefully, and there it was. The weird looks she always got when she came to class. Ms. Alphys nervously thanked her for being at least somewhat on time, then resumed the lesson once Susie sat down near the back of the classroom.

At least the attention was off of her. Well, save for the occasional glances from the deer girl. What was her name, anyway? She was fairly well-liked, but she didn't particularly stand out. 

She quickly looked away when Susie caught her eyes. Huh.

  
  


\--

  
  


The rest of the class was uneventful, and if it was, Susie didn't notice. Honestly, the entire rest of the school day was uneventful. She made her way back to her locker, cracking open the first aid kit and putting the little roll of gauze wrap in her pocket. It was supposed to be a quick in and out operation, but someone was watching. She turned around, slamming her locker shut.

As with any day, she wasn’t able to just get the whole school thing over with without running into trouble. In a small school in a small town, being weird isn’t as easily overlooked. With nothing else interesting enough to talk about, most gossip was, unfortunately, about Susie.

Behind her somewhere, Berdly and Catti were muttering something about ‘that beast’. It was kinda scary how good she was at figuring out that insults were about her.

She glared at Berdly across the hall, dragging her claws across her locker door. Sure, the noise was awful, but it scared the little asshole off. Of course, she was only solidifying the idea that she was actually a feral beast, but if it shut them up, well…

She didn't need their input. That's what she meant.

She felt another pair of eyes on her. Ready to actually kick someone's ass, she turned to face whoever was staring at her. 

Oh. Her again. 

Noelle blinked. She was in the middle of putting something in her locker. 

The second Susie made eye contact, she froze.

“Um. Hi. I, uh… gotta go!” she stuttered, closing her locker and scampering off.

Whatever Noelle was messing with before Susie scared the shit out of her was now on the ground. Picking it up, it turned out to be an envelope. It smelled like scented pinecones. ...Gross.

She stuck it in her pocket for later. It was probably best to just hang onto it until tomorrow. If there was anything important in the letter, letting some random kid snag it and find out Noelle's dark secrets would suck.

Susie wasn't a random kid. Well, she didn't know Noelle personally, but she hardly cared about her weird letter.  
  


She left the school, walking vaguely homeward as the sun set, turning the town orange. 

Honestly, going home didn't seem like such a superb idea right now. Maybe she'd wander around, or vandalize something. ...Nah, that's too much rebellion, she thought.

Well shit, she had to do something. The night is young and so is she. It's time for fun! Unscrupulous activity! Teenage stuff! 

She headed towards the cemetery, the sun almost completely beneath the horizon. She wasn't going grave digging, of course, but maybe it'd be like… spooky, or something. Above her, the stars began to come out. It probably would have been more spooky if she didn't live in such a small town and didn't interact with any of these people at some point. 

Yeah, this sucks. Moving on.

Susie decided to actually start walking home before she got in any real trouble. There was absolutely a curfew, and officer Undyne was an unstoppable force. As much as coming home late sounded like a nightmare, staying out would just get her in more trouble.

Rules could fuck off, too.

  
  


\--

Well, she sure did get an earful from her parents. 

Susie didn't bother arguing with them, instead quietly apologizing and holing herself in her room for the rest of the night, watching the moonrise through the window. 

  
  


\--

Early that morning, Susie got a call. It was Kris, mumbling near-incoherently that they were sick, and asking for some company. Susie paused. She was going to go to school to give Noelle her letter back, but… She could hold her horses for one day. Besides, maybe she could talk it over with Kris and get a second opinion on the whole mystery letter thing.

“Sure, dude. I'll be right there.” she said, then hung up. 

First she had to deal with her little… situation. She didn't mean to, honestly. The stress of yesterday weighed on her. She pulled the gauze bandage from her pocket, wrapping it around her wrists and the entirety her forearms. Not too tight, not too loose. 

The envelope was at the foot of her bed. She swore the wax seal was staring at her. What was in there, anyway?

_ Who cares? _ she told herself. She put on her jacket, tugging the sleeves down so the bandages didn't stick out. After that was done, it was off to the Dreemurr house.

\--

Kris greeted her at the door, inviting her in. They looked pale, and a little more off-balance than usual.

Susie gave them a hug, then the two hustled upstairs to Kris’ room. It was interesting, the decor of the place. Kris didn't seem to have a problem with their barren side of the bedroom.

“So, uh… can I tell you something?” she asked.

Kris shrugged, sitting on the floor beside their bed.

“Noelle dropped this yesterday.” Susie explained, showing Kris the letter. “I was gonna give it back to her today, but… you know the rest.”

Kris stared at her nonchalantly. Even though she couldn't see their eyes. Whatever.

“It's starting to drive me crazy. You think I should open it?”

They shook their head. Kris may be weird, but they're still a good kid. They're only chaotic when it's necessary. 

Susie sighed. “Yeah. Nah, you're right. Privacy and whatnot.”

  
  


Before she could get too disappointed, she felt a little tug on her sleeve. Oh. 

She put her arms behind her back.

“H-hey! Quit it!”

Kris frowned at her, but scooted in for a hug anyway. Susie leaned away, but set a hand on Kris’ shoulder. Of all the things Kris was supposed to know about her, this wasn't one of them. Still, they rubbed her back comfortingly. 

And here she was supposed to be looking after them.

"...Sorry." she mumbled.

They gave her a reassuring pat in response.

"Yesterday was just a lot, y'know? With school and my parents and this fuckin' thing." she gestured vaguely towards the letter. "I can't catch a break."

Kris made a little sound of pity. 

"It's nothing, though. I'll be alright. Besides, you're the sick one." 

They nodded, then sniffled, still hugging her.

"Speaking of which, you look dead. You want some water, or a nap or… something?" Susie asked.

Kris yawned, but frowned. They were tired, but they didn't seem like they wanted to sleep so soon.

Susie picked them up with ease, setting them down gently in their bed and tucking them in and closing the drapes on the window. 

"I'll be right here if you need anything." she told them, curling up on the floor beside their bed. Not the most comfortable place to sleep, but she's had worse. 

Her biggest concern right now was Kris. Both their illness and the fact that they knew she had relapsed.

She tried to forget about it, focusing on literally anything else as she fell asleep.

  
  


\--

The sun slowly but surely began to set, and Susie said her goodbyes to Kris before she left for home. Toriel had thanked her for taking care of Kris, and with that, she left.

A day skipping school is a day well spent, she thought to herself. She already felt way better since the fiasco that was yesterday. No annoying classmates, no parental lectures, no weird letters… 

Well, the letter was still a factor in her anxieties. She's working on that part.

Susie made her way home and safely inside her bedroom, skillfully dodging any scolding. Rummaging through her pockets, she found the envelope again. 

It was so obviously a love letter. Anyone with functioning eyes could tell that much. Why else would it be closed with a heart-shaped wax seal? 

She's seen the animes. This was a confession, meant only to be seen by… whoever Noelle is pining after. Probably someone ugly and stupid. God, what if it was Berdly? That'd be good for a laugh.

She put it back in her pocket and sighed. She hoped Noelle wasn't freaking out over this. But how would she feel knowing Susie had it all along? She'd probably be horrified and never look at her again. 

Susie barely kept track of her thoughts after that, letting her mind wander as she fell asleep on her own bedroom floor this time.

Noelle would get her letter back. The mail never fails.

  
  


\--

The day had come. Kris wasn't able to make it to school today either, but that was fine. Susie would probably mess this up even harder if they were watching. 

Class had just ended, and Noelle was retracing her steps to her locker with a hopeless look in her eye.

Taking a deep breath, Susie approached her. Try not to look murderous, she told herself. It didn't really work.

She towered over Noelle, and the poor girl spun around to face her, shivering.

"Hey." Susie said casually. She tried her hardest to radiate a chill aura. 

Noelle swallowed hard. "H-hi." 

"You uh… you drop this?" she held out the envelope, which was a little more crumpled up than the last time Noelle saw it.

She took it in her hands, then let out a sigh of relief when she found it unopened. "Oh, thank you! I've been looking all over for this." she paused, as if remembering who she was talking to. "W-well… I should get going. Thanks again."

With that, she scampered off, blushing furiously. 

Susie felt a little peculiar too. She didn't know if it was just the ol' anxiety acting up, or something else. She decided not to think about it.

  
  


So… that was the end of it, then. No more letters, no more mysteries. What an anticlimactic end to an annoying ordeal. At least it was over.

Her heart was still racing, for some unknown reason.  Why did the thought of Noelle liking someone make her feel so upset?

She left the school in possibly one of her worst moods yet. All she wanted to do was go home and bury herself in her bed.

It wasn't like she wanted to be the one that… 

Wait. Oh fuck. Oh no.

Susie stopped in her tracks. The sun seemed to wait for her, not yet daring to go beneath the horizon. 

That can't be right. That could never in a million years be right. 

"That's why I…" she said to nobody in particular. 

This was going to be a fucking catastrophe. 


	2. I Think I Could Love Her

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im gonna be real and say i like this chapter more than the first one. i just had more fun writing it, yknow?
> 
> anyway, enjoy!

Since Susie had her little revelation, Kris had made a recovery and was back to school. At least things felt a little more normal now.

Yet Kris was still oblivious to what had happened. The real reason why Susie couldn't seem to stop thinking about Noelle literally ever. She should probably just man up and tell them what's been going on.

Kris sat across from her on the grass, picking out the little blades and tearing them in half.

"I gave her the letter back." she said.

Kris glanced up from their work.

"And I thought I was done feeling weird about it but I'm not." she sighed "This is so stupid and embarrassing and… promise you won't tell anyone, okay?"

They nodded, leaning in a bit.

"I think I like Noelle."

She braced for the worst, trying to hide the fact that she was blushing.

Kris shrugged, replying quietly. "And?" 

"And what? That's it!"

"Have you told her?" They glanced up, giving her an almost judgmental look.

Susie tensed. "No! I don't want to."

Kris squinted, then went back to fooling with the grass. "Just try to spend time with her."

Their voice was barely audible, but Susie finally gave in. She could handle that much, at least. As long as she could show Noelle she wasn't a bloodthirsty beast, maybe they could actually end up being friends?

Maybe, for once, something could work out for her.

"Thanks." she mumbled, looking up at the clouds.

  
  
  


\--

Alright. Today she was gonna be social, and she wasn't gonna wuss out. 

She noticed Noelle hanging around her locker, looking over it carefully. Perfect.

Susie walked over to her, leaning on the locker beside her own. "Hey."

Noelle jumped, clearly startled. Then, she turned to face her. "Oh, hi Susie. You… scared me for a second there."

She gave her a toothy grin. "I get that a lot." she said, then paused. "So, uh… what're you doing by my locker?"

Noelle blushed, looking away. "I was… curious." 

"What, you wanna know what my junk looks like?" Susie blinked. "I mean… my stuff."

"Well, I've always wondered about you. Everyone does." she told her. "But I probably should've just talked to you instead of creeping around your stuff, heh…"

"Yeah, probably. It's fine though."

"I should get going, but it was nice talking with you." Noelle gave her a little smile. 

Susie smiled back at her and watched her go. She really did it. She just… talked to her. And Noelle wasn't terrified. Maybe easily surprised and definitely jumpy, but it was relieving to know she wasn't scared of her.

She'd see her in class later. It would be nice.

  
  


For now, she just had to focus on herself. Even though Berdly was giving her a weird look from across the hall. She glared back at him, which made him avert his eyes and scamper towards the classroom. 

She made her way to the classroom as well. Being late just didn't seem like fun today. She could do without the scolding. 

Ms. Alphys greeted her and she found her good ol' scratched up desk at the back of the room. Honestly, the only reason it was so beat up was because she needed to do something with her claws to stay focused. Not like she put much effort into school anyway, but it beats tearing herself up.

Noelle was seated towards the front, but she didn't seem to pay much mind to Susie. Which was fine, considering they just spoke like, 5 minutes ago. Still, she gave her a little wave from across the room. That caught her attention. Noelle smiled, waving back and then returning to whatever conversation she was having with Temmie.

It was a start, at least. 

  
  


Soon enough, Alphys had everyone busy with a test. Of course, Susie didn't study whatsoever, but it was easy enough for her to have confidence in some of her answers. If everything she knew about the school system was right, she should probably be above failing.

Digging her claws into the desk, she filled out the final question, then let out a deep sigh. 

It took real willpower to scratch the desk instead of herself, but she did it. The test was over, and she could finally go home.

  
  


On her way out of the godforsaken building, she heard someone call her name behind her. It was Kris, struggling to catch up with her.

She stopped in her tracks, waiting for her pal to catch their breath. 

"You did it, right?" they asked, still a little worn out from running down the hall.

Susie grinned. "Sure did. I was smooth as hell. Well, except for the junk part but- whatever! I misspoke, who cares."

Kris gave her a confused look at the mention of 'junk', but overall they were proud. 

Things were starting to look up for her. She was making new friends, and she wasn't entirely miserable. It was fine, even if Noelle liked someone else and would never see someone like Susie as an option. She can always just be friends with her, right? 

  
  
  


\--

Susie buried herself in a blanket. Still, she was hung up over whoever the hell Noelle was crushing on. How was she supposed to be okay with just being a friend when it all felt so real? When being with Noelle made her feel real?

It was a disaster. She had long since tore the bandages off her arms, leaving long, dark welts on top of old scars. It didn't help. Even when her claws broke her skin, it didn't help. 

She had to tell her. She knew it was early on in their friendship, but how was she supposed to hold all this in?

No matter what, Noelle had to know. She deserved to know. Maybe not now, but eventually. Besides, it wasn't like Susie could hold this in forever. She wasn't exactly discreet about her crushes, after all.

She sighed, closing her eyes. Her arms hurt, but she was too tired to care. 

  
  
  


\--

Noelle glanced up from her desk. She was supposed to be finishing her homework before class was even over, purely for efficiency's sake, but she couldn't help but be a little concerned. 

Susie hadn't shown up. Not like her usual fashionable lateness, but completely absent from campus. 

It wasn't unlike Susie to skip school, but when she did she had good reason. Maybe something was troubling her?

She let out a sigh. She'd have to wait until tomorrow to ask her. Kris had suggested she visit her this weekend, for whatever reason. But if Kris wanted them to hang out, that could only mean Susie had been talking about her.

Woah. 

Just as she cut off her thoughts and turned back to her work, the bell rang.  _ Guess I have to finish this at home after all, _ she thought. 

She had the rest of her evening planned out anyway, it shouldn't be hard to squeeze in some homework.

Now, however, she thought about her letter. She thought about the recipient. Was it too soon to confess? Too direct? Did it seem like she was trying too hard?

She knew she wouldn't be there when they read it, but it still made her nervous. 

Whatever the result, it would feel better just to have it out there instead of bottling it up. That's what her dad said, anyway. 

Noelle enjoyed her walk home. The weather was getting cooler and cooler as autumn turned to winter. 

Maybe this wouldn't be so hard.

  
  


\--

  
  


"So, what, I'm just supposed to hang out with her?" Susie asked, checking herself over in the mirror. She didn't usually care about her appearance, but she didn't usually have feelings for people either.

"Yes." Kris replied, sitting on Susie's bed.

"...What if I mess up?" 

"You won't."

She sighed. Kris' reassurance helped, but she was still nervous. Last time went fine, but screwing this up would be even worse. They were gonna hang out and talk and, god forbid, do stuff. 

She kept telling herself it was normal. Teenagers associate with each other, no big deal.

"...Okay. Okay. I got this. I don't look like a train wreck, right?"

Kris shrugged.

"Gee, thanks."

  
  
  


Noelle agreed to meet her at the graveyard. It was small, but so was the town. And the sky was getting darker by the minute. 

A few stars glittered overhead as Susie hauled ass to the cemetery. 

She spotted officer Undyne's car parked somewhere down the road, but she was nowhere in sight. Good, she thought. The last thing she wanted was to get dragged home by the cops.

Finally, she arrived at the graveyard. Dead leaves crunched under her boots, and she had to squint to see now that the sun was gone.

Something nearby rustled, making her tense. Purely out of instinct, she let out a low growl. Whoever was there inhaled sharply.

They stumbled out of the darkness nervously, stopping in front of the little fence around the headstones. 

"...Noelle?"

"Susie! Oh, thank god. I thought something was about to pounce on me." 

"You scared me, that's all." Susie explained. 

Noelle looked up at her, surprised. "That was you?"

"Heh, yeah." she said. "So… why the graveyard? You into dead stuff or something?"

"Oh, no. I just didn't want to get caught by Undyne. Also I wanted it to be private, but also public? If that makes sense." Noelle explained quickly. "It'd probably be weird if I straight up invited you to my house."

Susie fiddled with the sleeve of her jacket. "I get that. You wouldn't wanna hang around my place either." 

"It's nice out here, though. The stars are pretty." Noelle sat down in the grass, patting the ground next to her.

Holy shit, this was really happening, wasn't it? Susie swallowed, sitting next to her, but not too close. 

"You see those three up there?" she said, pointing in the general direction of a constellation. "That one's called Triangulum."

Susie squinted. Yup, it was a triangle alright. "I wonder why it's called that."

Noelle giggled. "I know some more. Um… that's Aries, I think." 

By now, the moon had begun to rise, a perfect half tinted orange. At least it was a little brighter than before. 

A cold gust of wind swept over them, blowing a leaf into Susie's face and causing Noelle to shiver.

"You alright?"

She nodded. "Just a little chilly."

Susie took a deep breath, then took her jacket off.

Noelle looked at her curiously, then smiled as Susie put her jacket on her.

All she had left on her upper region now was a tank top, but that was fine. It wasn't cold enough to kill her, so she had to make a sacrifice.

Though Susie was probably being more conscious of her arms than Noelle was. They had since been wrapped up again, in case she lost her jacket at some point. 

Hopefully she wouldn't notice. 

Noelle scooted a little closer to her, still fixated on the moon. It was pretty, sure, but for some reason Susie could only look at Noelle.

Her heart was pounding, but she told herself it wasn't like that. She sat there, messing with her claws because she didn't dare try to hold Noelle's hand.

"It's probably getting late, huh?" Noelle asked, sounding sleepy.

Susie nodded. "I'll walk you home. ...If you want, I mean." 

Noelle gave her a little smile. "I'd like that."

  
  


Still, Susie was fighting the urge as she walked beside Noelle in the dark. It would be so easy, but she couldn't. The last thing she wanted to do was ruin the moment by overstepping a boundary.

Also, she felt weird without her jacket. 

"Is this it?" she asked, stopping in front of a very festive looking house.

"How could you tell?" Noelle joked. "Well, I guess this is goodnight."

"Yeah. G'night. I'll… see you around." she replied.

With that, Noelle disappeared inside, still wearing Susie's jacket. Not that it was a problem, it was just one of the few constants in her life, and she felt a little naked without it. And, again, normal people don't have bandaged arms.

She walked home, being careful since Undyne was probably still on night patrol. She had to take a weird back route, but she made it home, at least. Her parents wouldn't be thrilled about this one.

\--

She was right, at least. Her father cussed her out and sent her to her room, but it wasn't like she was going anywhere else. He could try to spoil her mood, but she was still happy. Still thinking about Noelle.

Even if the girl had feelings for someone else, at least Susie could enjoy hanging out with her as a friend. Platonicness wasn't the worst boat to be in. Maybe Noelle could teach her more about stars and stuff. Or weird Christmas-y wisdom. 

She kicked off her boots, rid herself of her jeans and crawled into bed, closing her eyes and drifting into sleep. 

She found herself in a pitch black void, hardly able to see her hands in front of her. 

Before she could ask the dreamscape 'what the fuck', she noticed the floor beneath her was filled with stars. The more she stared at them, the more she felt the scars on her arms tingle. It felt like they had been reopened, but when she looked they were the same as ever.

Okay, she couldn't hold it in anymore. "What the fuck?" she shouted, literally, into the void.

In front of her laid an axe, covered in neon pink blood. Before she could question her subconscious any further, she was pulled from sleep.

Light was leaking in through the blinds and right into her eyes. Classy.

Susie groaned, crawling under the blanket. It was Saturday, it wasn't like she had anywhere else to be. She could at least try to get in a few more hours of sleep. 

  
  


Okay, sleepytime round two. She fell asleep again, but no dream came to her. However, this time she was awoken by her phone aggressively vibrating from somewhere in her bed. Because of course.

She sat up crankily, digging around in the blanket for the darn thing.

Oh, it was Kris.

_ krispy: hey dude _

_ krispy: hey _

_ krispy: i can and will spam you _

_ suz: kris do you have any idea what time it is? _

_ krispy: no _

_ krispy: are you going to the party tonight because im going  _

_ suz: what party _

_ krispy: catti is throwing one bc her sister abandoned her _

_ krispy: i mean because she's out of town _

_ suz: does she even talk to people? _

_ krispy: she said her internet friends were coming _

_ krispy: but you should come too _

_ suz: nah. im not a party person. _

_ krispy: if i told you noelle would be there then would you be a party person _

_ suz: when's this party?  _

_ krispy: knew it _

_ krispy: it's at 8 ill tell catti ur coming _

_ suz: ok. dont let her weird internet people give you drugs kk _

_ krispy: you got it dude _

  
  
  


So, a party, huh? This might actually be interesting. She didn't care for Catti or her whole attitude. Cattitude? Whatever. It was a chance to get out and do something, plus Noelle was going too.

Not like she was only going for her. Someone had to keep an eye on Kris, and she usually had to be the one to do it.

It was still early, though. She'd have to keep herself occupied until it was go time. 

Susie glanced down at herself. "Nobody's getting occupied in their underwear." she said.

Yeah, getting dressed would have to come first, but after that, it was business time. Serious business. Serious teenage party business. 


	3. Dude, My Name is Chuck and I Like to Party Hard!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dont ask about the chapter name. just dont.  
> but yeah wow i forgot to post this. it's been done for a while now. it's a short one, but i like it.
> 
> enjoy <3

Okay. Party things. Being normal. It was easy, no doubt about it.

Susie didn't usually plan outfits, but she looked pretty darn good when she did. Spiky bracelets never hurt anyone. She gave herself one last look in the mirror, and then another last look. And then, like, three more looks.

Her phone vibrating in her pocket is what snapped her back to reality. Well, well, well, look who it is.

_ krispy: man if you wanna get here on time you better hustle _

_ suz: im leaving now. ill see you there. _

_ krispy: ok good. i think catti is mad at me for inviting you but in my humble opinion she can suck it _

_ suz: get ready to suck it and suck it hard, catti _

_ krispy: yeah!!! _

With that all said and done, she headed for the door. Thankfully, her father was nowhere to be found, but her mom was still around. 

"Where are you off to?" she asked.

Susie didn't meet her eyes. "Believe it or not, a party." 

"Oh! Well, do try to come home before your father does." she told her. "You know how he feels about you staying out all night."

"No promises. See ya." 

"Have fun out there, sweetie!" her mom called after her.

You know what? Yeah. She would have fun. She was gonna have so much fun at this party, everyone else would forget what having fun is, because they could never possibly have more fun than Susie.

That makes sense, right?

She knew the way to Catti's house, being mindful of where she was as she walked. It shouldn't be too hard to find a house full of rambunctious children who are probably also intoxicated.

And… right she was.

When she found the place, the scene was significantly more bumpin' than anticipated. 

The party had barely even started, and someone was already passed out on the lawn. Would this be a little too wild for her? When she imagined parties Noelle would go to, she imagined, well, something more along the lines of church potluck. Not… whatever this was.

It was now or never, and Susie preferred now.   
  


Once inside, things were a little better. The music was loud, and those shitty red plastic cups were everywhere, but it wouldn't be a party without them.

And who did Catti even invite? Susie didn't recognize any of them, except for Jockington, but it wouldn't be a party without him either. Jockington was a national treasure.

She decided to scoot in beyond the doorway when she saw Kris in the kitchen, eating cheese balls with a fork. 

Susie intruded on them, giving them a curious look. "What the hell are you doing?"

Kris paused, then ran over to hug her.

"You came." they said, smiling.

"I wasn't doing anything else. I hope you didn't touch those drinks because I have no idea what's in them." she explained.

Kris chuckled. "It's supposed to be beer."

Somewhere behind them, some guest shouted "This tastes like piss!"

"I… see. Guess I'll leave you to it." she nodded towards the snacks laid across the kitchen table.

"I'm gonna raid her fridge." Kris said nonchalantly.

"That's the spirit!" Susie called out to them, then set off to find Noelle.

She wasn't near the door, or the living room, and Susie wasn't about to start poking around the garage.

After a while, she stopped by the kitchen again for a drink. The beer really did taste like piss, and yet she still drank four of the damn things.

_Wouldn't be the first time I broke the law_ , she thought. But back to business, where the hell is Noelle? 

She wandered out toward the middle of the house, trying to pick Noelle out of the crowd.

Some of the other guests did not seem like Noelle's kind of people. But at least none of them knew anything about Susie, so there wasn't any of the bullshit directed at her.

She looked around, and finally spotted her in a hallway, talking to Catti.

If she wanted to get to Noelle, she'd have to get through the motherbitch first.

She called Noelle's name. That got her attention. 

Catti stared at her from the hallway, leaning on the wall. Her expression was unreadable, but somehow still piercing.

Yikes.

Noelle stepped over to her, looking a little surprised. "I didn't expect to see you here!" 

"I was thinking the same thing." Susie said.

"I'm… glad to see you. You look great!" Noelle glanced around, then turned back to her. "You wanna go dance?"

"Uh, sure."

Noelle grabbed her by the hand, taking her over to the living room where some other wasted teens were doing awkward jigs. 

She was still holding her hand. Susie blushed.

"I, um… really don't know how to dance. At all." she admitted, shrinking a bit.

"That's fine!" Noelle smiled. "I'll help you out."

Oh boy.

Noelle adjusted her fingers until they were in between Susie's, then guided Susie's free hand to her hip. 

"Like this, see?"

Susie nodded, feeling herself start to sweat. Maybe alcohol was a bad idea.

Then, Noelle started taking her through the steps. Forward, backward, then one of those funky little twirl things. This was actually kinda fun.

"Now you've got it!" she said. "Okay, now freestyle!"

Shit. 

Susie had it for a while, terribly dancing to terrible music, but her heart was racing. 

Noelle giggled, pulling her out of her subpar jiving. She was holding her hands again, and she was… very close. 

Susie swallowed.

Noelle blinked.

Suddenly, Noelle seemed to realise what she was doing, then let Susie go, looking beyond flustered. She cleared her throat. "You're, um, pretty good at dancing."

"Nah. I'm just fuckin' around." she replied, grinning. Then, she frowned. "I don't even know why I'm here."

Noelle looked at her, concerned.

"It's whatever. I'm having fun."

"Susie, do you… gosh, how do I say this without making it weird?"

Susie tilted her head.

"Uh, do you want to come sleep over at my place?" she asked. "This is kind of a lot, and I don't mean to sound rude, but you do not look like you're taking that beer very well."

She probably did look terrible, huh? Dang. 

Susie considered her options. She could either go home now and get yelled at by her dad, or go spend the night with Noelle and get yelled at in the morning.

The choice was obvious.

  
  


\--

"My room's up this way! Just try to be quiet, okay?" Noelle told her.

Susie followed her upstairs and down the hallway to her bedroom.

Noelle invited her inside, and she paused to look around. It was far cleaner than her own room, and her bed was way too big for one person, but it was fine.

"So… uh, I think I have a sleeping bag somewhere? Or, I mean, you could just get in bed with me. There's enough room, but it might be weird." she said.

Susie shrugged. "I might be pathetically wasted, but I am not sleeping on the floor."

Noelle blushed. "Alright, well, make yourself comfortable. I'm gonna go to the bathroom and… get into pajamas."

"'Kay."

While she was gone, Susie removed all her spiky extremities, and she absolutely was not sleeping in jeans. Pantsless and cozy, she sat on the edge of Noelle's bed, waiting for her to come back.

When the door opened again, Noelle was wearing very deer-themed pajamas. "Oh, hi there."

Susie scooted over to one side of the bed to make room for her, but there was more than enough for the both of them. Noelle sat beside her, yawning. "You feeling alright?" she asked her.

Susie nodded. "Yeah."

"I had a lot of fun dancing with you. And hanging out at the graveyard. You're… really cool."

She blinked in surprise. "Really?" 

"Of course! Sure, I have friends, but this is the first time I've really hung out with someone outside of school. And now you're here. In my bed." she said.

"It's comfy." Susie replied, slurring her words a little bit. "And I don't sleep with people, like, ever."

Noelle chuckled. "Maybe we should actually get some sleep."

Susie mumbled something incoherent in response.

"What was that?"

"I said g'night."

"Oh. Goodnight, Susie."

They slept for a little while, but after a couple hours, Susie woke up. It was still dark out, and Noelle was still asleep, snoring softly beside her. She smiled, then scooted closer. She wouldn't mind if she just kinda… went for it, would she?

Susie took a deep breath, then wrapped an arm around Noelle's torso. The other girl stirred a little bit, but she didn't wake up. Involuntarily, Susie let out a deep purring noise, then fell back into sleep. 


	4. Do You Believe Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oof, long time no see. real life has been kicking my ass lately, but im doin my best.  
> i hope to have another chapter for y'all real soon!! enjoy!
> 
> warnings for self harm and like, verbal abuse. sometimes u gotta hurt characters u love.

Noelle shifted in her sleep. Not uncomfortably, though. In fact, she felt oddly safe. She turned over, facing towards whatever the heck was making her feel so comfortable and got herself as close as she could to it. 

She didn't awaken, but she sure did sleep far better.

\--

This was… a lot.

Susie woke up when she felt… something. When she actually opened her eyes, it turned out that something was Noelle wrapping her arms around her and burying her face into her chest. She was asleep, and judging by the layout of her bed, Noelle certainly seemed like the type to cuddle pillows.

She didn't fall asleep again, but it was dawn anyway. The sun hadn't risen yet, though it was still pretty light outside. 

Susie tried to ignore just how much she was blushing.

  
  


Hours passed, and eventually Noelle actually woke up. She yawned, then looked up at Susie. "Hi." she said sleepily.

"Hey."

It took her a few seconds to realize just how much she was clinging to her. Noelle immediately drew back, blushing. "Oh, gosh, I'm sorry."

Susie smiled nervously. "It's… fine." Honestly, she was a little sad she let go.

"I-If you say so…" she replied quietly, still looking pretty darn embarrassed. 

Susie sighed, giving her a reassuring pat on the shoulder. She was still pretty sleepy herself, and she kinda just watched Noelle sleep the whole time. Because okay, admittedly, she was a little cute. A little!

"So, um… do you want anything? I could make breakfast, if you want." Noelle suggested.

Susie shrugged. "Should probably go home. My dad's gonna kill me anyway, so…" she sighed. "Better late than never."

Noelle gave her a concerned look. "Alright, but you be careful, okay?" she said, then crawled out of bed, leaving Susie to dress herself.

In all seriousness, her dad was going to kill her. He hated it when she stayed out late, and he wasn't exactly supportive of her hanging out with Kris either. Her father knew Susie didn't just have normal sleepovers with normal girls, because Susie wasn't a normal girl. 

She couldn't tell him she was with a girl. He'd flip his lid, he'd throw her out, he'd-

 _Focus_ , she told herself. _Forget about dad. The only thing you need right now is pants._  
  


Okay, there. She was dressed and ready to die. She peeked out of the room, but it didn't seem like Noelle was upstairs. 

Downstairs, it is.

Susie felt weird wandering around Noelle's house by herself, but she was leaving anyway. She just wanted to say goodbye before her inevitable doom.

Eventually, she found her.

"Oh, hi!" Noelle said, sounding a little surprised. "Are… you leaving?"

Susie shrugged. "I wanted to say goodbye first. Didn't wanna feel like a total mooch, you know?" 

She giggled. "You aren't a mooch! Trust me, you're welcome here anytime. My mom's usually out busy with mayor stuff, but I'm sure she wouldn't mind you." 

That… was reassuring. "Thanks. I should get outta here, though. Don't want my mom getting too worried."

"Okay. See you at school?" 

"Got nothin' else to do. Later."

  
  


\--

_Slow, deep breaths_ , she reminded herself. Nothing bad would happen. She'd just go home, get yelled at for a while, then go to bed, just like always. Everything would be fine.

She was not scared. Susie didn't get scared. That's just how it was, and this was no different.

_Deep breaths, Susie._

She turned the knob, bracing herself as she opened the door. Quickly, she stepped in and closed the door behind her. She kinda slammed it a little, but that was fine. Susie always accidentally mauled doors. The problem was how loud it was.

Footsteps. Oh, fuck.

_Okay. Inhale, exhale, and again…_

"Where the hell have you been?" 

Oh boy, the beginning of the end. She put her hands in her pockets, trying to look as disaffected as possible while she made a very slow break for the stairs. "I went to a shitty party and slept over at the Dreemurr place again. Y'know, danced a lot, got tired."

"I don't know why you hang out with that freak, but I don't like it." her father said, crossing his arms.

"They aren't that bad." she shrugged. "But the beer was terrible."

"What? Jesus Christ, Susie. It's one thing after another with you! First you're cuttin' up your arms, then you're hanging out with weirdos and breaking the law!" he shouted. "Why the fuck couldn't I have a normal daughter?"

Susie scowled, but before she could retort her mother stepped in, whispering something to her father. 

"She's had enough chances! We should-"

"Enough!" her mother hissed, cutting him off. 

Her heart was pounding, but it looked like she got off easy this time. Her father looked like he was about to explode, but he sighed and skulked off to some other room. Man, Susie was glad she didn't tell him about Noelle. She probably wouldn't have survived that.  
  


She made her way to her room, closing the door and heading straight for her bed. She wasn't sleepy, just… emotionally exhausted. In all honesty, she was bracing herself for another huge argument with her dad, possibly followed by a physical fight that her mom would inevitably break up.

Susie sighed. It didn't have to be like that. She shouldn't have to be scared to come home. 

She laid in bed like that for a long time, still not feeling tired, but eventually sleep came to her.

  
  


When she woke up, it was around 7 P.M. 

The sun had long since set, and the sky outside her window was completely dark, save for the faint glow of the streetlights on the clouds. Susie sighed, sinking deeper into her bed. She didn't want to get up. She didn't want to remember she was alive.

Somewhere inside her blanket, her phone vibrated. It was Kris. It couldn't possibly be anyone else.

She didn't bother reading what they had to say, instead deciding to kick wherever the vibration was coming from and sending her phone flying elsewhere.

She couldn't get back to sleep, and all she could do was lay in bed and feel awful about herself. _Sounds like a plan_ , she thought sourly.

  
  


\--

  
  


It was getting late. Noelle started getting ready for bed, brushing her teeth and changing into pajamas, but she couldn't stop thinking about Susie. She sat on the edge of her bed, glancing toward the other side of it. It seemed… empty without Susie there. 

When they slept together it felt so right and natural. Like somehow, that was the way it was supposed to be.

She sighed, flopping onto her back and staring into her closet. ...Wait, was that always there? She sat up again, squinting into the darkness. 

It was Susie's jacket, laying on top of her laundry pile. She had completely forgotten to give it back to her.

Man, she should really get on that, but right now it was bedtime, and she had some serious sleepin' to do.

As she settled down for bed, she kept thinking about everything that had been happening lately. This whole time people have been painting Susie as some terrible person, more monster than any of them, and yet here she was having so much fun with her.

And as strange as Kris was, she wouldn't have even started speaking to Susie if it weren't for them. _I guess I owe them one_ , she thought sleepily.

Noelle slept well that night. Even though she didn't remember her dream, whatever it was made her feel safe and happy. And truthfully, that's all she ever wanted.

  
  


\--

  
  


Alrighty. New day, new you.

Susie stood in front of her mirror, questioning all of her fashion choices. She's had to put in more effort ever since the tragic loss of her jacket, and it kind of sucked. Her arms were still exposed constantly, but she was getting more comfortable with it. Today she didn't even bother putting on bandages. It felt strange to have her scars just… out there. But it was good! Things were good, and that was saying something, especially for her.

She didn't have any responsibilities today, and her parents were 90% less likely to give her shit about leaving the house.

Speaking of her parents, she'd still have to pass them to get outside. Poor Kris had texted her a storm last night and she just ignored it. She thought they had been worried about her, but it turned out they just wanted her to come over and spill the beans on what happened after the party.

Seems legit.

Susie made her way down the stairs, unknowingly holding her breath. Her father was in the living room, glaring at her. It took her a moment to realize he was staring at her wrists. All her scars were healed, but new scars on top of old ones looked a bit strange.

"What, you think you have the guts to stop hiding it?" he snorted. "Just cover it up again. Nobody wants to see that."

She froze before she even made it to the door, digging her claws into her palms. Don't say anything. 

She just kept walking, opening the door and slamming it with damn near all her strength. It didn't matter. He didn't matter. She didn't care what he thought. 

  
  


Eventually she made it to Kris' house, and god, she was glad to see them. She gave them a powerful hug the second they opened the door. 

Kris patted her on the back, glad to see her too. In her mind, she thought this was what coming home should feel like, not whatever she got whenever she saw her parents. She held Kris a little tighter, almost feeling protective of their friendship. At least she felt safe here.

Kris invited her upstairs, and the two hung out in their room like usual. Susie sat down on the floor, and Kris sat across from her. They knew why she was here. She was still kind of freaking out from the last time she saw Noelle and she had to tell someone before she lost her marbles over it.

"So, at the party, I found out I'm a total lightweight and I suck at dancing." she told them.

Kris perked up a little.

"Noelle let me sleep over at her house and we, uh. Dunno if 'cuddled' is the right word but there was touching? It's weird."

"...You slept in her bed?"

"Yes…?"

It seemed like Kris had 20 ideas at once, but they just leaned back and smiled, nodding approvingly. 

"I couldn't sleep, but she was still awake, and she just… clung to me? It was a lot to take in." she continued.

"You have to tell her." they said.

Susie tensed. "Wh-What? Why?"

Kris scooted closer, putting a hand on her knee. "Trust me. You suck at secrets. If she's going to find out, it should be from you telling her."

She stared down at her claws. "I guess."

"This all started with a letter. I think it should end with one, too."

She sat up a little straighter. Kris was absolutely right. She'd write a letter to Noelle and hide it in her locker, and that would be that. Besides, the worst she can say is no, and even if she does, they could still be great friends. That still counted for something.

Yes, the chances of Noelle accepting her feelings were slim, but she had to at least try, right?

All her instincts told her to give up, that it would never work, that it was a waste of time to even bother, but Kris seemed to be radiating some sort of… determination. It was actually really encouraging.

Eventually, she nodded. She could do it. All she had to do was write words on some paper, how hard could that be?

\--

Susie stared at the paper. The paper stared back. Okay, it didn't really, but wouldn't it be fucked up if it did? 

But for real, focus, she told herself, scraping little lines into the sides of her pencil. Just translate all those awkward and unsure feelings into words! How hard can it be?

She put the pencil to the page and just sorta went for it. Whatever she was feeling may be weird, but she hung on to the fact that she couldn't leave Noelle in the dark about it. Even if she rejected her, the important part would be that she told her.

She had written… something, that's for sure, but she paused halfway through. What if she came off as creepy? What if Noelle thought she was only hanging out with her because she wanted to get with her, and not because she's a genuinely nice person? Susie tried to think back and channel some of… whatever weird form of confidence Kris seemed to have. 

It's fine. It's fine. She'll get it, and if she doesn't, I'll just bury myself alive somewhere.

She carried on writing her letter, focusing more on the raw emotion of it all rather than caring about flowery language. The important part was that it was honest and to the point. 

And… gee, was it to the point or what? Susie gave it one last read before deciding whether it was total trash or not.

_Noelle, this is probably weird and stupid, but I needed to tell you. I feel things when I'm with you and I like it. I like you. Spending time with you, I mean, but like I also think you're…_

_Um. Attractive? Is that the word. I dunno. It's a lot and I'm not good with words._

_But you're smart and cute and funny and when I slept over with you I didn't wanna get up. Sorry if that sounds weird._

_I'm not asking you out or anything, I just wanted to tell you._

_PS: sorry my handwriting sucks_

_PPS: holding pencils with claws is hard_

_-Love, but not unless you want it, Susie_.

Yep. Seems legit. 

Sure, it looked like she body slammed the paper with the pencil, but it kinda read like a confession, so whatever. It got what she wanted to say across, and that was her goal. Now all she had to do was envelope this bad boy and send it off.

Wax seals were cool, but she didn't have any wax, or one of those cool things you squish it with, so she just settled for a little bandaid. She might not have fancy wax or cute stickers, but she made do. The letter itself was a little crumpled, and the bandaid was absolutely a strange factor in all of it, but it worked, somehow. 

Maybe it'd actually go the way she planned, but she didn't want to think that far ahead.

Until school came, all she could do was hope. Hope that some kind of magic or miracle-type thing would somehow make this work.

She put the letter aside, hiding it in a drawer somewhere. As she was closing it, she caught a glimpse of her scars. Susie snorted. It didn't matter what anyone thought of her, and once she got her jacket back she could forget about them again.

That's all she had to do. Just forget.

  
  


That night, Susie had another dream. She was in that weird void again, with more neon pink goo than before. The stars beneath it started to fade, flickering slowly before vanishing. She looked around, only now noticing huge cracks in the floor and whole pieces of it missing. Several axes were buried in the floor, destroying the whole place.

What is this? 

Was she supposed to do something here? Or is her mind just fucking around with her because she's stressed out?

It was hard to tell. She didn't know the answer, and the dream just added more questions. All she could do was sit and watch it fall apart, staring at the endless black and nasty pink. At all the axes that ruined everything they touched.

What a mess.

  
  


\--

Susie told Kris about her dream, but even they had no idea what it meant. _Whatever_ , she thought. It was probably nothing anyway, just her brain being dumb. Besides, today was the big day. She couldn't let a silly little dream mess with her head at a time like this.

The plan was simple: during lunch, Susie and Kris would sneak out, open Noelle's locker, and put the letter inside. Then, Noelle would find it by the end of the day and, well… who knows what'll happen after that. 

For now, all she could do was wait. Susie tapped her claws against the desk, watching that damn clock like a hawk. Just a few more minutes. 

It felt like a few more eternities, but eventually the bell rung and she set off to find Kris. She burst out into the hall, looking around. While the other students headed for the cafeteria, Kris approached her from out of the crowd, and Susie nodded. She had the letter. Go time.

Carefully, Kris scouted out the area before leading Susie to Noelle's locker. Luckily, Kris was great with those stupid combinations, and they almost had it open. Almost, until a noise caught them off guard. Kris sped up their work, but Susie tensed. Someone was walking towards them, and fast. 

Anxiously, she glanced over at them, praying they had it open. The footsteps grew louder as the door opened. Susie had never shoved something in a locker so quickly in her life. Kris shut the door and locked it, grabbing Susie by the hand and walking as inconspicuously as they could to the cafeteria. Ms. Alphys spotted them, but she didn't ask any questions. Susie was still sweating bullets, though. What a fuckin' ordeal.

Once they were inside, Susie could finally relax. Maybe she'd steal a cheese stick or something after all that. She was too good to pay for shitty school food. Kris gave her a reassuring pat on the back, then scampered away to mooch off someone else's lunch. Ol' Krispy Kreme always had a plan, didn't they? 

Though, Susie felt… strangely exposed after delivering her letter. Noelle was going to see it, and she wasn't sure if she was comfortable with that idea anymore. In fact, it made her pretty anxious. Those were all her weird confusing feelings, and now they were all out in the open. Deep breaths, she reminded herself. It didn't help.

It was all really happening, huh? Susie shook the thoughts from her head and tried to find a place to sit. There was usually an empty table she liked to have to herself, and nobody bothered her because, well… obvious reasons. 

She sat down by herself, nervously bouncing her leg. Her face felt hot, and she couldn't tell if she was excited, ashamed, terrified, or all three at once. 

From across the cafeteria, she caught sight of Noelle, who gave her a little smile before turning back to her friends. Susie knew she was blushing like crazy, and turned her face away from Noelle's general direction. Might as well get ready for rejection in advance, right?

The bitter thought made her scowl, but she tried her best not to think about it anymore. Whatever happens will happen, whether she's happy or sad. That's just one of the dealios of life.

Now, she just sat alone. She didn't feel like eating, or hunting down Kris. All she wanted was for time to hurry the fuck up so Noelle could read her stupid letter and be done with it already.

Again, she stared at the clock.

 _Come on_ , she thought, willing the hands to move faster.

Despite how loud it was in the cafeteria, her heartbeat was even louder. Susie tried to take deep, slow breaths, but her entire body was trembling. She sounded like some sad dying creature. And to be completely honest, she felt like one too. She picked at the skin around her claws, trying to focus on anything but what she had just done. Her stomach wasn't happy about her skipping lunch, but she didn't trust herself to be able to keep anything down when she was this nervous. God, it's like she was a child again.

Just waiting for her chance to run away. She tried not to think about what Noelle would think when she read the letter. It didn't work. She absolutely thought about it, and it was the worst. 

She was slowly scratching the skin on her arm by the time the bell rang. Susie had never been more relieved to hear that sound in her entire life. She stood up, glancing around as the students clamored and made their way out and back into the halls. Susie followed them, her mind now painfully blank. Turning the corner, she saw Noelle, opening her locker. She immediately felt sick, running for the bathroom and quickly locking herself in one of the stalls. 

She pressed herself against the cool metal wall, desperately trying to slow her breathing and her heart rate. _It's okay_ , she told herself. _It's okay, it's okay_. She felt her claws digging into her palms thanks to her clenched fists, but she at least started breathing more normally. That was always a good thing. Sure, the whole thing was mortifying, but she's been over this. It didn't matter whether Noelle said yes or no. Because everything is motherfucking okay.

She felt a bit calmer. At least her heart stopped pounding, and she stopped sweating. Now she just felt weird for hiding in a bathroom. Still, she didn't have the courage to get back out into the danger zone. Not yet. She took a few more deep breaths, and then she heard, of all things, a horde of girls enter the bathroom. 

Good god they were loud. Talking about weird shit and helping each other with their makeup and generally preening themselves. Susie poked at her claws, waiting for them to get out so she could also get out. Eventually, the noise died down and the distinct latch of the door told her she was safe. She exhaled shakily, but her mind was at least slightly clearer now that she'd been distracted. Maybe having random loud girls invade her space was a good thing. Because while she exited the bathroom, she wasn't thinking about Noelle, or her letter. When she reached her locker, Noelle wasn't there, which was probably a good thing because she just barely avoided the first panic attack.

She stuck a little bandage around her index finger. She silently scolded herself for picking at her skin, but she couldn't blame herself for being nervous. Confessing your attraction was fucking nerve-wracking. She shut her locker and dragged herself to class so she could go sleep on her desk, or something. Learning things could fuck off, for the time being.

  
  


\--

After school, Susie went straight home and collapsed in her bed. She didn't feel as freaked out as before, but she sure was tired. Whatever was going to happen tomorrow terrified her. And what of the future? What if, for some reason, her confession is accepted? She felt weird just thinking about holding Noelle's hand, let alone dating her. Noelle would have to have some kind death wish if she actually wanted to date Susie. 

_Whatever_ , she thought. All she wanted was to go to bed and forget today ever happened. So, she did just that.

\--

When morning came, it took all of Susie's might to drag herself out of bed and get ready for the day. She hardly felt composed at all, but she was dressed. That's all she could offer in the morning.

She made her way to school, cursing the sun for being so damn bright along the way. She had no idea what time it was, but judging by how long it took her to feel up to going outside, she knew she was late. Alphys could scold her as meekly as she wanted; it didn't mean she was going to change her ways. School was the least of her priorities right now. 

Susie had to worry about girls, letters, and her parents, and her general mental state. Nobody had time to listen to some teacher prattle on about grammar or some shit like that. 

When she entered the building, the halls were empty. Yep, she was definitely late. Oh well, she tried.

Susie sat through the small lecture Ms. Alphys subjected her to, but she wasn't listening. All she had to do was give her a disaffected look and walk away. That was enough to shut her up. 

She took her usual beat-up seat, and noticed Noelle looking back at her and giving her a little wave. Susie smiled in return, but that was really all she had the energy for. She spent the rest of class using her hair to disguise the fact that she slept through the whole thing. If the bell hadn't woken her, she'd probably be busted. 

As she left for the hallway, Ms. Alphys quietly told her to try and be on time tomorrow. Susie shrugged, closing the door behind her too hard. 

\--

By the end of the day, she was done with everyone's shit. She had just left the bathroom after another breakdown. Of course, she kept bandages on her in case anything happened, but she didn't plan on tearing up her arms as badly as she did. She didn't plan to be stuck cleaning wounds for 15 minutes, either. Now her forearms were sore and all she wanted to do was get home. No matter how much she hurt herself, it never felt like enough. Something kept nagging at her, telling her she deserved worse. 

It was probably right. 

Regardless, she had to drag her sorry ass home. She walked down the hall to her locker, trying to pretend her plethora of fresh wounds didn't hurt. Opening the door, she noticed an oddly familiar wrinkled paper. Susie inspected it further. It was an envelope with a fancy little wax seal. Her eyes widened. This was the same envelope she had returned to Noelle. What was it doing here? Did… did Noelle mean to give it to her?

Susie stared at it in disbelief before she spotted something else in her locker. It was her jacket, neatly folded with a sticky note on top of it. 

_I'm sorry for forgetting to return it, but here's your jacket! I washed it for you, so don't worry. Thank you, by the way. It made all the difference on that cold night!_

The note was signed with nothing more than a heart. 

She sighed, putting on her jacket and stuffing the envelope in her pocket. How was Susie supposed to read it? How the fuck was she even supposed to process this? She liked Noelle. She knew she did. When she slept with her and danced with her, it felt like she was always meant to be by her side. But this? This was too real. She felt like she was going to die.

The letter was a confession. Of course it was. A confession written by a Noelle who had yet to spend time with Susie. It was goddamn surreal.

Susie huffed, setting off for home. She'd read it tomorrow. Right now, she needed to get away from this mess. She was enough of a mess on her own.


	5. Just Try to Have a Good Time, and Don't Die

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hoo wee here's a chapter!!  
> we're absolutely gettin to the end of it now, which is kinda why this one's short.
> 
> but i hope it's enjoyable!!! yeehaw

Susie stared at the envelope. She still hadn't opened it. She barely had the strength to sit here and look at it. Is this what dying feels like? Because Susie was sure she was dying right now.

Whatever, she thought finally, reaching for the envelope and carefully sliding her claw under the paper flap and seal. She took a deep breath before she pulled out the letter. It was just words. Words never killed anyone, did they? 

She unfolded the letter, then began to read.

_ Susie. _

_ I hope this letter finds you well. I know it's a bit unusual to send such a formal letter in school, but I didn't know how else to tell you. _

_ Everything the other kids say about you… Well, I just don't think it's true! I've seen you around, and you don't seem bad at all. Honestly, Kris is the one who told me first. I just wasn't sure how to talk to you. I don't want to weird you out or make you uncomfortable, you know?  _

_ But, to the point. I think you're really pretty. I hope that isn't weird. You have nice hair and I think you could pick me up? If you wanted to, I mean. Gosh, I'm not making any sense. What I'm trying to say is, if you want, maybe we could hang out sometime? And, I dunno, do stuff? It's up to you, haha… _

_ I hope you understand. I can't keep my eyes off you, and I really want to be closer to you. If you're okay with that, of course. _

_ Your admirer, _

_ Noelle Holiday _

Well, reading that was surreal. By now, she'd already hung out with Noelle and done "stuff" with her. But did she really think all that about Susie? Nobody had ever said those kinds of things about her, not even her parents. Noelle really was in love with her. She felt like she was dreaming. Either that, or she was about to faint. Whichever comes first, at this point.

She couldn't believe it was real. That it was really happening to her. Not to mention the fact that somewhere down the road, Noelle had probably read Susie's letter already. That was still a very nerve-wracking thought. She laid back in bed, huffing softly. Even after all it had been through, the letter still smelled like Noelle's perfume. That was so cute. She was so cute.

She tried to shake the thoughts from her head, but they wouldn't leave. That night, she fell asleep clinging to her pillow, pretending she had a certain someone to cuddle with.

Her dreams were random and hazy, but a few stood out where an unidentifiable shape was on trial. Again, in a black void glittering with stars, and the pink facets of the shape's body glowing.

The judge shouted at it in some language, definitely not a real one, and it bowed its head in shame. Susie looked around awkwardly. What was with this recurring bullshit? She had enough going on in the real world. She didn't need this too. 

She lifted her knee, ready to stomp down on the fabric of the dream's reality. Before she struck down, the shape turned to stare at her. She shut her eyes tight to escape it's burning gaze, then gasped. She was in her bed again. Light was leaking in from the window. She let out a sigh of relief. What a crazy dream.

As far as she knew, she didn't have anywhere to be. School wasn't a must; not after what she'd been through. And besides, she just felt like napping today anyway. Everyone else could just leave her alone.

Yeah. That sounds so legit.

Seconds after she buried herself back in bed, her phone vibrated. It was too early for Kris to be up, and she knew it wasn't Temmie asking for help with her homework again. 

Curious, she dug it out from under the blanket and investigated. It was a text from an unknown number. Probably some rando looking for his ex, or a pizza guy with the wrong number.

_ Unknown: Hello! _

_ suz: who's this? _

_ Unknown: I hope they gave me the right number. This is Noelle! _

_ suz: oh shit. hi. _

_ suz: lemme fix your name here real quick. _

_ suz: that's better. _

_ holiday: What are you up to? _

_ suz: i'm in bed. and i'm not moving. _

_ holiday: Well, you're in luck! School's out today thanks to the snow. _

_ suz: sweet. _

_ suz: wait what snow _

_ holiday: Look outside, silly. _

Susie sat up, stumbling toward her window. And… yeah, wow. It was pretty coated out there. At least she actually had a real excuse to not go to school. That was a rare treasure to be had.

_ holiday: It's supposed to snow more tonight, so I hope you're staying warm. _

_ suz: yeah. i got my jacket. and a weighted blanket. _

_ holiday: Sounds like a good time! I'm busy running errands for my mom :c _

_ suz: aw what _

_ suz: it's like 2 degrees out there you'll die _

_ holiday: It's fine, really. That's what sweaters are for. _

_ suz: well idk what im gonna do with you when ur a popsicle _

_ holiday: You worry too much!  _

_ holiday: Also… do you think I could come over later? It's okay if not. _

_ suz: uhhh maybe. my dad hasnt really been tolerating me lately _

_ suz: he'd probably make assumptions. or something, i dunno. _

_ holiday: Don't worry about it! I'm sure everything will be fine ^_^ _

_ suz: ok but dont say i didnt warn you. _

_ holiday: I'll see you later <3 _

_ suz: kk _

Susie hardly noticed herself blushing. Noelle was so sweet, having the guts to face her dad just to see her. Perhaps her father would be in a better mood today, and everything really would work out. That'd be nice. 

All she could do was hope. For now though, she just buried herself under the covers and went back to sleep. Thankfully, she didn't dream again.

\--

Noelle smiled, admiring her work. A perfectly wrapped present with an actual bow that wasn't just one of those that you stick on. She hoped Susie would like it.

She wasn't entirely sure what the whole thing with Susie's dad was about, but it couldn't be that bad. Besides, people usually have more restraint around visitors. Hopefully the same was true of her father, because if not… she might be in for an interesting evening. But it was fine! Noelle was a very flexible person, even if she did get a bit flustered often. Okay, very flustered, but that was beside the point.

She just had to trust her gut on this one.

She picked up the present and headed out. She had a rough idea of where Susie lived, and she was determined to deliver her gift. As a wise woman once said, the mail never fails.

Noelle made her way down the road, keeping an eye out for any familiar houses. Oh, wait a minute. That one was familiar. She wasn't terribly confident that she had the right place, but it was worth a shot. Nervously, she stepped forth and knocked on the door. 

A few moments passed with no response. Shivering from the wind, she knocked again. 

The door creaked open, and an unfamiliar someone peeked through. "Oh, hello."

"Hi!" Noelle responded. "Um, is… is Susie home?"

The woman (probably Susie's mother?) lit up. "Oh! You must be the little friend she keeps scampering off to see. Come on in."

"That's me, heh." she said, stepping inside. Man, she was glad to be out of the cold. "I'm Noelle. Noelle Holiday."

"That's why you're so familiar! Goodness, you look so much like your mother." Susie's mom told her.

She chuckled nervously. 

"Oh, but don't mind me. Susie should be upstairs in her room. It's the last one on the right." she said. 

"Thank you!" 

With that, she headed upstairs and looked for Susie's room. She walked along the hallway, and she couldn't help but look at the family photos hanging on the wall. There was one of Susie's parents at their wedding, and one of a very tiny Susie playing in a pile of leaves. She smiled. What a cutie.

She stopped in front of the door at the end of the hall. This must be it. Light shone out from under the door, so she hoped Susie was awake. It was kind of the middle of the day, but who knows, she seemed to sleep a lot. Noelle gently knocked on the door, enough to get her attention, hopefully.

From behind the door, there was a very muffled "Not now, Mom."

"Um… it's me." Noelle said quietly.

"Wh-what? How did- oh shit!" 

_ Thud! _

"Okay, ow."

Noelle blinked, but she resisted the urge to barge in. The door opened slowly, and Susie invited her in.

"Did you fall out of bed?" she asked.

"That's exactly what I did." Susie said, sitting on the edge of her bed. She wasn't really dressed, save for a loose T-shirt and huge basketball shorts. Poor gal probably wasn't expecting visitors.

Noelle smiled. "Well, it's good to see you. I got you a present."

Susie tilted her head. "Thanks, but… why?"

"I thought you'd appreciate it! And, um… I just wanted to see you." Her voice got quieter as she spoke, like the confidence was actively being sucked out of her.

All she did was shrug in response. "Alright. Let's see what we got here." Susie said, tearing off the wrapping paper with ease. She opened the box to reveal a giant Christmas sweater with alligators all over it.

"What do you think?"

"I fucking love it." she said, smiling. "I'm so glad you're here."

Noelle blushed, glancing away. "It's good to see you outside of school."

"I mean, like…" Susie paused. Halt the presses here for a second. She was currently in full nap mode. Y'know, not wearing bandages. She blinked at her arms, turning them down to face the bed. "It's, um. Nice to have the company, or something."

Noelle sat next to her on the bed, her hand dangerously close to Susie's.

"Yeah. I got your letter, by the way." she said. "It was nice."

Susie tensed. She couldn't tell if she was excited or mortified. "Oh, haha. Yeah. I… don't know what I was thinking. You should probably just forget about th-"

She was cut off by the very real occurrence that was Noelle smooching her on the cheek. She really went and did that.

Susie's face felt hot, and her cheeks turned a dark purple. 

Noelle giggled, resting her head on Susie's shoulder. This was all really happening. Like, right fucking now. It was kinda beautiful, honestly. Just gals bein’ pals. She had never received this much physical affection before. Susie decided to be brave and reached out to wrap her arm around Noelle.

"So… what do you wanna do now?" she asked.

Noelle blinked, as if thinking, then shrugged. "Honestly… I just wanted to hang out with you. It doesn't really matter what we do."

"Word."

They stayed all snuggled together for a while, until they just decided to get under the covers of Susie's bed to, y'know, keep each other warm. Okay, it was a silly excuse. They were absolutely cuddling. Susie shivered when she felt Noelle's hand wander under her shirt.

"Cold!" she yelped. 

Noelle snickered. "I'm sorry! You're just so warm."

"Uh… can I ask you something?"

"Like what?"

"Like… I dunno. About us."

"I didn't know there was an 'us'."

Susie blushed. "It's just confusing! You know how I feel, and now you're here, and things are happening, and… and…" she trailed off. She didn't know how to describe the clusterfuck inside her brain right now. Some twisted part of her wanted her to believe Noelle was just playing a sick joke on her. That none of this was real.

"...Is this real?" she asked feebly.

"Of course." Noelle replied.

"No, I mean, uh… what, does this make you my girlfriend?"

Noelle blushed, staring down at her hands. At least she was embarrassed too. "Um, I dunno. Is… that what you want?"

Susie shrugged. "I don't know what I want anymore."

"Well, if you ask me, and well, you didn't, but… I think I would want that?" she said shyly, avoiding eye contact.

Susie smiled. "Wow."

Noelle finally looked at her again. "Um. I-Is that okay?"

She nodded, hugging Noelle with a decent amount of her strength. She didn't want to let go. Not now, not ever. It was almost impossible to believe. It all just… worked out. Here Noelle was, in her bed, asking to be her girlfriend. She hadn't felt this genuinely happy in a long, long time.

Noelle hugged her back, nuzzling her gently. This was how it was always meant to be. Some goddamn planets somewhere aligned and said 'Yep, those ones, right there.' It just felt so right, as cheesy as the whole situation was.

After a while the hug stopped being a hug and was just sort of a hold. They were just clinging to each other and talking about completely random shit.

"Would you eat your best friend's finger for a hundred dollars?" Susie asked casually.

"Like… a pinky? Thumb? Index?" 

"Thumbs aren't fingers. They're thumbs."

Noelle snorted. "They're the same as the rest of your fingers, aren't they? They're just angled weirdly."

"I guess. I'm gonna eat Catti's thumb."

"...She has thumbs? I thought that was a dew claw."

"Same thing. Still gonna eat it."

"But she's not your best friend. Would you eat Kris' thumb, too?"

Susie paused, contemplating it. "They're a bro. But I'd at least try it."

Noelle shook her head. "How barbaric."

"I need those bucks, son."

Noelle giggled. She was so fucking cute. 

Susie couldn’t help but smile. Someone genuinely cared about her. Someone cared about her and she was  _ here.  _ That mattered so much, and somehow, it made all the extraneous bullshit disappear. She was happy, goddamn it, and that was a feeling she rarely got to experience.

She held Noelle closer. She didn't know what was happening or what the status was on their relationship, but it was nice, whatever it was.

She wanted to say something to her, but before she could spit it out, she heard the familiar sound of the stairs creaking, followed by footsteps approaching her door. Susie tensed, thinking of an emergency plan. She released Noelle, but quickly realized that no, she would not fit under the bed. The footsteps grew closer, but the fact that she was freaking out made Noelle freak out too.

Noelle held her hand tightly, then ended up clinging to her arm. Susie took a deep, shaky breath.  _ Bring it on, you colossal shithead _ .

The door opened, and her father eyed the situation in front of him: his daughter and the mayor's daughter nervously cuddlin' it up in bed.

"...What in god's name is goin' on here?" he asked in an almost accusatory tone.

"None of your business." Susie growled. 

Her father scowled, baring his teeth. "I think it fuckin' is!"

"Um… should I go…?" Noelle asked quietly.

Susie gave her somewhat of a pleading glance. "Stay."

Noelle nodded, then turned to Susie's father. "It's really not what it looks like." she told him quietly. "I should probably introduce myself. I'm Noelle, Noelle Holiday, but you probably already knew that? Oh, god I'm bad at this."

Her father gave Noelle a curious look, seeming to relax a bit. "Uh, nice to meet ya." he said. "But you," he growled, glancing at Susie. "The hell do you think you're doin', bringing this kinda debauchery into  _ my _ house?"

_ Debauchery? _ Susie stared back at him. "This might surprise you, but I have actual friends."

"I thought it was pretty normal for girls to have sleepovers." Noelle added shyly. 

Susie nodded. "Hey, I mean, if you have a problem with that…" she said darkly, baring her teeth.

“We’ll finish this later.” her father snarled, then turned away, slamming the door behind him. Susie snorted. 

Noelle let out a sigh of relief. "Oh my gosh, he's terrifying!" she exclaimed, clinging to Susie. "How do you live with that?"

Susie shrugged. Even though she acted tough in front of her father, she was still afraid of him. He didn't care what happened to her. He wouldn't even blink if she offed herself. And people thought she was a monster.

Noelle looked up at her, concerned. "...Are you okay?"

She just wrapped her arms around Noelle. She closed her eyes tight.  _ I'll protect you. No matter fucking what, I'll protect you. _

That was the only sentiment she could give. If being with Noelle meant standing up to her father more than ever, she was ready for it. She wouldn't let him hurt her; not like he had hurt his own daughter.  _ This isn't over _ , she thought grimly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh no drama  
> anyways i have no idea when the next chapter will be done buuut u can follow my tumblr (same name as here) bc sometimes i post updates n stuff.


	6. Dead Weight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter's been done for a while i just forgot to post it, lol.  
> warnings for physical abuse and self harm. it's getting a little more fucked up now.  
> i just wanna be real clear about it so y'all are safe while reading. i love ya <3

After Susie had said her goodbyes and Noelle set off to go home, her father had many bones to pick with her. Not only about having a girl in her bedroom, but what she'd been doing herself.

Susie retaliated, saying that she wouldn't hate herself so much if someone had bothered caring for her. She couldn't stand saying it, but it was true. 

The rest of the argument was mostly a blur, but it got physical quicker than usual. She had beaten up terrible dads before, and this time was no different. She had him backed into a corner, a deep growl rumbling in her throat and her claws glistening with fresh blood. He knew he was defeated, and she didn't plan on doing anything more to him, but she needed to be extremely clear that she wouldn't back down.

Her mother interfered later on, and her father left the house, blood dripping onto the snow as he got in the car. Susie hissed, only now noticing bruises on her arms. Her mother wrapped an arm around her.

"Are you okay?" she asked, breaking the silence. 

Susie could still feel her own screams echoing through the house. She stared blankly out the window. "M'fine." she mumbled.

She glanced at her sympathetically. "I'm sorry. About all of this."

"Whatever."

Most of her classmates gave her odd looks, eyeing her bruises and the fresh bandages on her arms. She glared at them, internally regretting leaving her jacket at home. She hated feeling so exposed. So vulnerable. She dug her claws into her desk. 

As Ms. Alphys droned on, she couldn't focus. Not like she wanted to hear what she was saying, but it'd be nice to be at least kinda tuned in to reality.

Before she knew it the bell was ringing, and she flinched, half expecting to be attacked. Her bruised body ached at the sudden movement. Yeowch.

She stood up on shaky legs, trying not to look at Noelle as she passed her. She knew she'd be worried. Noelle was always worried.  _ Just keep walking. Don't look at her. Keep walking. _

At last, she made it to the hall, letting out a breath she didn't know she was holding. 

"Susie?" 

_ Damn it. _

She stuck her hands in her pockets, trying to look casual. "Hey."

Noelle looked her up and down, getting progressively more concerned. "What happened?"

"I forgot my jacket. And I'm fucking cold. But, hey, at least you get to check me out."

"No, this! And that!" she said, pointing at her dark bruises and various other battle damage. 

She looked away. "I, uh… fell down the stairs. Hard to see through all the hair, y'know?" Who knows, maybe Noelle would buy it and quit pressing.

Noelle frowned. She absolutely did not buy it. "Susie… you can tell me anything, you know that right?"

"Y-yeah." 

"So… whatever it is, I won't judge you." she told her, gently holding her hand.

Susie shivered. Mostly from the cold, but also because she was not used to affection. It was… nice. It was good to know she was there for her.

She walked home with Noelle until she had to turn the opposite way to get to her house. She didn't want to leave her, but she turned away and headed home. Her mother might at least be glad to see her alive.

She turned the knob, trying to open the door as quietly as possible. But… it didn't seem like anyone was home. Knowing her mother, she probably went off to find her dad. She had no idea why she bothered with him.  _ He's not worth it _ , she thought.

Well, she didn't want to see either of them anyway. She hauled her ass up the stairs and curled up in her bed. She didn't want to sleep. Honestly, she just wanted to die. ...Maybe not, but she just wanted to… be away from everything for a while. Her phone vibrated, displaying three new messages from Kris.

_ krispy kreme: hey. how's it going. _

_ krispy kreme: thought id check in since you looked pretty out of it at school. _

_ krispy kreme: whats with your arms and face. and everything. _

_ suz: ive been having nightmares and i dont know what's wrong with me. _

_ suz: kris i think im broken. _

_ krispy kreme: nightmares gave you bruises? _

_ suz: no!! ill get to that. but its like its staring at me. like it wants something from me, or else something bad will happen. _

_ suz: idk what haha it doesnt get much worse than this _

_ krispy kreme: is there something you havent been honest about. _

_ suz: no? i dont think so?? _

_ krispy kreme: ok. _

_ suz: but the other thing was my dad. things got wild and he left. no idea where mom is rn. its… bad. _

_ krispy kreme: what? _

_ krispy kreme: im sorry. you can stay at my house if you want. my mom likes you. _

_ suz: its okay. i think i just need time to cool off.  _

_ krispy kreme: be safe susie _

_ suz: ill try. thanks. _

Susie sighed, turning off her phone and burying herself under multiple blankets. What did Kris mean, 'something she hadn't been honest about'? Even with the worst of shit, she tried to keep it real. Plus she was a horrible liar. She couldn't be dishonest, at least not unless she wanted to be. Her mind drifted to earlier that day, when she was dodging Noelle's questions like she was doing that wicked Matrix thing. And last night, when she hid her scars from Noelle. She really hadn't kept it real after all. And here she was supposed to be her girlfriend.

The thought still made her blush. Wow. Dating. Being someone's girlfriend? Fuckin' bizarre.

Now wasn't the time for that. She had to tell Noelle the truth. She briefly considered texting her, but… this was something that had to be done face to face. She needed to be  _ really  _ real with her, and there was only one way to do that.

She texted Noelle, telling her to meet her near the church. She didn't bother waiting for a reply, focusing more on dressing herself. Her reflection seemed to be someone completely different.  _ This is real, _ she reminded herself.  _ Stay grounded. You got this. _

Before she could put on her jacket, she glanced down at her arms and the bandages wrapped around them. Well, if this was about being honest…

She swiped at them, letting them fall to the floor. No more hiding. No more fear. And no more fucking around. 

She put on her jacket and her boots, heading downstairs with a sense of purpose. It was weird with the house empty. Every move she made seemed to echo through the halls. She got off the final step, the way it creaked only serving to make her more anxious. Walking around too loudly shouldn't be something she worried about, but here we are.

Susie spaced out while walking. It was hard to focus when the whole town was covered in a thick layer of white. The evening sun made the snow glitter. It was kinda beautiful, actually.

When she made it to the church, she found Noelle waiting for her, staring wistfully into the distance.

"Hey, Noelle." Susie greeted her, trying not to startle her.

Noelle flinched anyway. "Ah! O-oh, it's just you. Hi, Susie."

"C'mon, this way." she said, ushering Noelle past the church and graveyard, down a strange path lined with trees on each side.

"Where are we going?" she asked.

The trees started spreading out, until they reached a clearing. Some kind of weird hill stood in the middle of it, aligning perfectly with a view of the sunset. This was turning out to be a little more romantic than Susie planned, but whatever. Sunsets are cool, she could work with this.

"Up here." Susie told her, climbing up the hill, which had some kinda… something underneath it. It was probably an emergency shelter or something.

Noelle followed her, grabbing Susie's hand as she helped pull her up. She sat beside her, huffing a little bit. 

"So… what's all this about?" Noelle asked.

"Uh. Well. I've been having these dreams. And they're different every time, but the same too? The point is, they were trying to tell me something, I guess? Kris is the one who told me." Susie explained. "I'm bad at this. And I'm bad at telling the truth."

"I… don't think I follow."

"Okay, we both know I didn't fall down the stairs!" she said, pointing at one of her many bruises.

Noelle seemed to understand, looking up at her with worry. "What really happened?"

"After you left last night, my dad was pissed off. We duked it out and he left. He… doesn't like me dating you, I think." Susie told her, trying to seem chill about the whole situation. 

"He hit you?" she asked.

Susie nodded. "Not the first time, either."

"Susie, I… that's awful! Have you told anyone else about this?" 

She shook her head. Even Kris didn't know what went down. "You wanna see something even more fucked up?"

Noelle blinked, not really sure what she should be preparing herself for.

Susie took off her jacket. A bad idea in this weather, but Noelle needed to see the extent of what was going on. She caught Noelle staring at her muscles until she guided her attention to what Susie was actually trying to show her.

She turned her arm over, giving her a view of all her scars, old and new, and on her other arm too. There must've been at least a hundred. All the scar tissue layering up on each other kinda made the skin there look weird, but that was okay.

Noelle held her arm in her hands, looking down at her scars sadly. "Did you do this?"

"Yep. I haven't… in a while, though." she said, unable to meet her eyes.

"Well, that's good. Just… um, please don't do it again."

"Okay." Susie replied. It wasn't that simple. Recovering from something she'd done near weekly for years was no easy feat.

Noelle hugged her, looking towards the setting sun. "I'll be here if you need me."

But… with Noelle around… maybe it wouldn't be as hard. She cared for her so much, and it made Susie's heart hurt, no matter how awkward and unlike her it was to be vulnerable in front of someone else. For the first time in a long while, she felt like, just maybe, she would be okay. The future scared her, but right now? She had the most adorable girl in her arms, watching the horizon glow as if it were setting the clouds aflame.

She held Noelle close, gently nuzzling her. The wind whistled around them, and Susie was reminded that taking her jacket off was the worst decision ever.

"It's really pretty." she said absentmindedly, looking at Noelle lovingly.

"Hm?"

"U-uh. The sunset! It's great. Orange is great." she stammered. 

Noelle giggled. "I think it's pretty, too."

Susie blushed. She clung to Noelle for warmth, glad to have her company. 

They stayed together until it was completely dark, and the cold became too much to bare. Susie walked Noelle home, holding her hand shyly. She still wasn't used to being physically… like that with her. It was all still new territory to her. They parted with one last hug, then Susie turned around and set off for home.

Most of the clouds had cleared, and the snow had long since stopped. Even the stars seemed dull and tired from the cold. Susie put her jacket back on, like a smart person would. Tank tops aren't really suitable when it's as cold as a witch's titty outside. She walked through the snow, not daring to try the icy road. 

Once she reached her house, she practically flung herself through the front door. The heater had been running, and it was pure bliss. She sighed, relieved. From the looks of it, her parents were still missing in action. Again, not a problem. It'd be nice to exist in her own house without worrying about being alive too loud and getting yelled at. She fixed herself some hot cocoa and headed upstairs to her room, pulling out the ol' space heater and huddling close to it.

This was, truly, the best she'd felt in a while. At least in this particular moment. She was warm, and she kept thinking of Noelle, which was no problem at all. It might not last forever, but things were good. Even though her battered body ached just about whenever she moved. She sipped her cocoa and let her mind drift. She didn't need to think about anything right now. She was just gonna live in the moment.

She had a girlfriend who loved her. She had a best friend to stay alive for. She was warm and safe, for now. All she needed to do was hang onto that feeling, no matter what it took.

\--

Noelle spent the rest of the evening thinking. Susie had really dropped a big truth bomb on her, and she wasn't sure what to do next. She wanted to ask her dad about it, but by now visiting hours at the hospital were over. It'd have to wait till tomorrow.

All she knew was that she wanted to protect Susie. She wanted to take her away from her awful father and show her the kindness she deserves. She held her head in her hands. What could she possibly do? She could hardly ask for napkins at the diner; there was no way she could stand up to Susie's dad. Last night just cemented the horrific image she had of him before she met him. No wonder Susie was afraid of him. He'd have to come up later. Noelle had to address something that she could realistically help with. It might seem a little sudden to Susie, but she could at least pitch the idea to her, especially when it was something that was literally and physically hurting her. Noelle didn't want to stand by and just let it happen.

She nodded. She'd bring it up to her later. That's as far as she could plan it. She didn't want Susie to get hurt anymore. The poor girl didn't deserve it.

\--

The next school day, Noelle had proposed something… interesting. Something Susie hadn't even thought possible. 

Noelle met with her by the lockers, making sure nobody else was around before she spoke. She said she wanted to help Susie get rid of all of her 'sharp things' and whatever she had been hurting herself with.

"Do you think you can do that?" Noelle asked her, holding her hands. 

Susie stared down at her hands. They were so much bigger than Noelle's, and her claws were a lot longer than she usually kept them. Looking at them in comparison, she felt more like a living weapon than ever. That wasn't exactly a great thing to feel like.

"I dunno." she finally said, looking away. How was she supposed to do that? Just… stop? How was that even an option?

"It's okay if you can't-"

"No! I mean… I want to, I just… don't know how."

"We could do it together." Noelle suggested. "If you want, I mean."

Susie hesitated for a moment, then nodded. If Noelle was there, it'd be a little easier. She told herself she could be strong.

Together, they went to Susie's house and began covering all her hiding spots. They gathered the razors from the bathroom, and all the spare ones in her bedroom. The next step was a bit more tricky. Susie explained that she often used her claws. 

Noelle needed a minute to think, but pretty soon they were sitting on the floor of Susie's bedroom, with Noelle gently holding her hand and clipping her claws, being mindful not to clip the wick. Then, she carefully filed down the freshly cut points, until they were blunt and rounded at the tips. 

Susie looked down at her hands. It felt weird. This whole thing was weird. They had yet to actually throw out her razors and whatnot, but she already felt like she was betraying herself. Like she didn't deserve to be doing this. Unconsciously, she started shaking.

"Are you okay?" Noelle asked, looking up at her.

She swallowed, then nodded. She couldn't bring herself to speak, so she leaned in to hug Noelle instead.

Noelle hugged her back, gently rubbing her shoulder with one of her hands. Susie hardly registered the fact that she was crying. She never cried. Ever. She just held onto her, trembling and letting out quiet sobs. Part of her was ashamed for letting her guard down this much, for being so pitiful and weak, but the other part was just glad she had someone to take care of her.

"Susie…" Noelle whispered. The way she said her name was so beautiful. 

Susie sniffled, mustering a little 'hm?' in response.

"I love you."

Wow. Was that the first time she said that? Suddenly, Susie's mouth felt dry. She took a deep, ragged breath. 

"I love you, too." she said.

It was almost too much. Her heart was pounding and tears were still running down her cheeks. She released Noelle from the hug, but she didn't seem to want to let go. 

Noelle reached up to her face, gently brushing Susie's mess of hair to the side. 

"Your eyes are pretty." she told her, looking a little bewildered. 

"If you think weird lizards are pretty, I guess." Susie snorted, pretending that she totally wasn't blushing. 

Noelle giggled. "I'm serious!"

She smiled. “Alright, you win.”

They sat on the floor together for a while, but eventually they got to the real deal of the evening. They made their way to the nearest garbage can, with all the razors and whatever the hell else in hand.

"I think I should, uh… do the honors." Susie said, feeling a bit nervous.

Noelle nodded.

She gave them a long look.  _ You don't need them. You can be okay without hurting. _ That's what she told herself, until she began to believe it, at least a little. She unceremoniously yeeted them into the trash, feeling accomplished. 

"Fuck, that was hard." she panted. 

Noelle patted her on the back. "I'm proud of you."

Susie sighed, leaning over to rest her chin on top of Noelle's head. She couldn't really say anything, but she was glad to have company at a time like this. Being alone was one thing that terrified her more than anything. She didn’t want to be locked away with her thoughts, especially after the day she’d been having.

“Hey, Noelle?”

“Hm?” Noelle glanced up at her. She was too cute for her own good.

Susie swallowed. “Thanks. For doing this with me, I mean.” she told her. “I don’t think I could’ve done it by myself, y’know?”

“Oh! It was nothing. I’m just glad to help.” she insisted, blushing.

"You're too nice to me." Susie said, sighing.  _ I don't think I deserve it _ , she thought. Then, she paused. She should really stop thinking like that. She wrapped her arms around Noelle, trying to distract herself.

Noelle leaned against her, closing her eyes. 

Evening turned to night, and soon enough it was bedtime. Not like Susie had an actual bedtime, but y’know, she was sleepy and so was Noelle. It had been quite a day. They made their way to Susie’s bedroom for some quality sleepytime action.

Susie made herself comfortable, then patted the bed, inviting Noelle in. Her bed was a lot smaller than Noelle's, but she'd fit… somehow. Susie scooted toward the edge a little more before Noelle climbed in. Less space really just meant they got to be closer to each other. And that was a good thing, especially with how cold it's been. 

Susie fiddled with her hands, rubbing her claws against her palms and wrists. It was so weird, not having them stab her. They were always so pointy, but now she couldn't puncture anything even if she wanted to. She curled closer to Noelle, even though she was probably asleep by now.

"Hi." Noelle whispered, blinking sleepily. Okay, she wasn't asleep, but she was really tired. She reached up to pat Susie on the snout, kinda like you do to a horse you're trying to befriend. Except the horse has razor sharp teeth and is also your girlfriend.

That's just the current stage of the relationship, or something. Susie blushed. "Hey."

"Can I just… get in here?" Noelle asked, wrapping an arm around Susie and nuzzling against her chest.

Wow! This was truly happening! Her face felt like it was on fire, and she had no idea how to react. Eventually, she settled for petting Noelle and resisting all her temptation to touch her antlers. I mean, Noelle touched Susie's claws. Maybe touching her antlers was like, an equally intimate act? There was only one way to find out.

She paused her stroking, raising a finger to poke one of her antlers. Noelle twitched a little, glancing up to look at her.

"...Hm?"

Susie blinked. "Uh, did you… feel that?"

"Why wouldn't I? They're like, part of my skull." she said. "Like, imagine someone poking your teeth.”

Susie cringed. That was a terrible mental image she just painted and she was really ready to be done with it. “That is so fucking weird.” she breathed.

Noelle chuckled, closing her eyes. “Go to sleep, silly.”

She paused, thinking. She didn’t entirely  _ want  _ to fall asleep. That would only bring tomorrow closer, and she didn’t want to think about that. Honestly, she wanted to stay up just to look at Noelle. She looked so peaceful when she slept, and Susie didn’t want to miss it, or the pure fucking magic that was holding her while she was all sleepy and adorable.

“Don’t wanna.” she muttered.

“I’ll be right here when you wake up, okay?”

“...Okay.” Susie said finally. She pulled Noelle closer and gently rubbed her back. At some point or another, she slipped into sleep, but she had no idea when. Could’ve been hours, or just like, a couple minutes. Time doesn’t really exist when you’re cuddling.

She found herself in yet another dream, except the layout of the area had changed. The black, star-filled surface was smooth, and where there were once axes strewn about and weird pink goo dripping from the holes, there were now cracks filled with something hard and pink. Weird.

It was like it had been healed. But the interruptions of the pink cracks were still there. The damage would never be forgotten. It would always be there, but the holes were filled. At least this time, the pain was over.

Susie made her way toward what she assumes was the middle of the space, sitting down cross-legged and staring up into the starry void. It seemed to twinkle in understanding. Or maybe she was just straining her eyes too hard trying to see them. Shit, did she need glasses? Or was this just dream logic doing its thing?

Either way, like, holy shit. Sitting still and staring into the void was letting reality set in fast. All of this stuff really did happen, and when she woke up, she’d have to deal with it again. Whatever the hell comes next, that is. Did there even need to be a ‘next’? Couldn’t she just stay here forever? Wasn’t it enough that right now, her body was snuggling her girlfriend while her mind was absorbing the goddamn universe?

The dream was making her feel too weird. The ground seemed to shift under her, like she was going to fall. She forced herself awake, dragging her brain out and throwin’ that bitch back into her body. And, god, was her body exhausted. 

All of her bruises had started to set in overnight, and even slight movements were kind of excruciating. She looke d down at Noelle, who was still clinging to her, snoring softly. She was so cute, but Susie really had to pee. It would be rude to wiggle out and wake her up, wouldn’t it?

When she thought she had to deal with shit in the morning, she didn’t think it’d be this. But this was kind of a pickle.

Carefully and slowly, she pulled herself out of Noelle's sleepy grasp, out of bed and crept her way out and to the bathroom. Before she did her business, she spent some time looking at herself in the mirror. She looked a little fucked up, but it could be worse. Her self-image issues still stood proudly in her mind, but as she kept staring into her own eyes, she felt a sense of oneness that honestly made her take a step back. What the fuck? 

She looked down at her hands. They were still hers, that's for sure. But what just happened? It felt like an electric shock, almost. She shook her head. She was just tired, that was all. 

She’d feel okay, at some point. She’d recover from this. And maybe feeling a connection between her mind and body was a good first step. She took a deep breath in, then exhaled slowly. Then, she met her reflection’s eyes again.


	7. Potion of Get His Ass

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i think i wrote this in record time. yeehaw.  
> also the next chapter is probably the last one. i hope y'all enjoy this one bc im a little tired of looking at it lmao.

When Noelle opened her eyes again, she was somewhere unfamiliar with an arm draped over her. That's right, she spent the night with Susie. She sat up, hoping not to wake her. She looked adorable when she slept, and she'd be damned if she was gonna mess that up. Susie deserved some sound sleep after everything that had happened, honestly. It still made Noelle feel upset, and it wasn't even over. Who even knew where her parents were at this point. It was a mystery.

Noelle shook her head, giving ol' sleepy Susie one last look before she crawled out of bed for a snack. Before she got very far, her phone started vibrating in her pocket. Curious, she checked to see what the hell it was. It was a phone call from an unknown number. That wasn't uncommon; she got wrong numbers all the time, or weird telemarketing schemes, or someone she knew who just happened to change their number every three seconds. It was probably just one of those three calls, so she picked up.

"Hello?" 

"Hey." the caller said darkly.

"Um, who is this?" Noelle asked. 

There was a long silence, then a sharp exhale. "I dunno what your problem is, but you had better stay away my daughter if you know what's good for ya." 

Hold on, was that Susie's dad? She'd never forget a voice like that, and the sentence itself was pretty telling. Holy shit, he was really doing this. What the fuck? 

Before she had a chance to respond, he spoke up again. "You're better off leavin' her for dead. Get rid of that psycho and find yourself a proper boyfriend." he said.

Noelle felt something inside her snap, and a surge of something went to her chest. Everything was screaming at her to hang up. To not respond and fuel his fire. But she was pissed off, and was she really gonna let him talk about his daughter, no, her girlfriend, like she was a rabid animal? Hell no. She took a deep breath. "You… you need to leave us alone! I don't know why you're so obsessed with making her feel like garbage, but you need to quit it! It's- It's not fucking funny! I don't know what's wrong with you, but… but I don't care! Fuck off!" she shouted, hanging up and blocking the number before he could say a word. 

She panted, shocked with herself. Did she really just cuss out the most frightening person she knew? She sat down in the hallway, hugging her knees. She needed a minute after that shit. 

Susie had stumbled out of her room a few moments after Noelle's… outburst. She rubbed her eyes, looking tired but mostly concerned. "Who was that? Woah, are you okay?" she asked, crouching down next to Noelle, who had shed a few tears.

"We are so dead!" she said, defeated. "Oh my god, Susie, your dad is gonna kill me."

Susie looked surprised at first, then shrugged. "Business as usual. Nobody's touching you as long as I'm here." she told her.

"No, seriously! He called me, and I-I… I yelled at him! I should've just stayed quiet, but I think I just made everything worse." Noelle clinged to her.

"Hey! Listen to me, okay?" Susie said, tilting Noelle's chin up to look at her. "You didn't do anything wrong. If he's got a problem, he'll have to answer to me."

Noelle seemed slightly consoled, but she was still shaking. Susie's heart ached. Goddamn it. It was one thing for her dad to scare the shit out of her, but scaring her girlfriend, too? That wasn't okay. It made her blood boil. She almost wished he'd come home so she could teach him a lesson. Subconsciously, she let out a quiet growl. Noelle clung to her even harder, burying her face in her chest. 

Susie hugged her, running her hands through her hair, shifting her rough growl to a steady purr. Soon enough, they had both slowed their breathing, and Noelle stopped her shivering.

"I'm glad you're here." Noelle said quietly.

Susie hummed in response. She couldn't think of anything else to say, but maybe that was a good thing. Physically being there for her was probably better than talking her ear off. She just wished she knew how to get out of this shitty situation. Should she tell Undyne? She was like, the one cop around here, and she didn't want to waste her time when she probably won't be able to do anything. But then again, the call log was still there. Susie's various bruises and scrapes were still there. Wouldn't that be evidence enough? 

"What're you thinking?" Noelle asked, interrupting her thoughts.

"Wondering if Undyne can lock up my dad." she told her.

"You could try. But, um… I think we should get back to bed." 

Noelle had a point. It was like, what, 3AM? And she was still pretty dang sleepy. Just then, she yawned. "...Yeah, okay."

They slept peacefully through the rest of the night, and when morning came, they ate breakfast together before Noelle took her leave. Susie wished she could stay, but Noelle told her she needed to see her father, and she didn't wanna get in the way of that. She knew her dad was still in the hospital, and while he was doing better recently, Noelle still worried about him.

She let her go, but not without a very long hug. Then, she was alone in her eerily quiet house again. Yeah, she really didn't want to hang out here any more than she had to. Maybe she'd go fiddle around in the snow for a while, or actually tell the local law enforcement about what the hell had been happening to her lately. That seemed kinda important!

Susie made her way upstairs to get dressed, and once she did, she received a text from none other than Kris. She didn't have time to read it. Her bruises wouldn't last forever, and she knew it'd be an even bigger trick to get them to believe her without any visible injuries. Fuckin' cops, right? Right.

She set off for the police station, kicking the snow out of her way as she walked. Some of it had melted thanks to the sun, but most of it was still hanging around. In any case, she'd hoped Undyne would be understanding. She was an interesting lady, that was for sure, but she wasn't stupid. She knew when shit wasn't right. 

Susie didn't even have to go inside to find Undyne; she was standing outside the station, and at first Susie thought she was having a smoke, but upon closer inspection she was just gnawing on a toothpick with her weird fish teeth. She could respect that. Cautiously, she approached Undyne, hoping not to startle her. The last thing she wanted was to set off her cop reflexes. That was a thing, right? Like, they had those?

Undyne noticed Susie and nearly inhaled her toothpick. “Oh, shi-” she stopped herself. “Hey, kid!”

“‘Sup, Officer Undyne?” Susie asked. Startin’ out casual never hurt anybody.

She shrugged. “Slow day. Surprised I haven’t had to chase you down at all lately. Did you quit being an unscrupulous teenager?”

“Nah. Still unscrupulous. Just been… busy, y’know?” she told her, trying to imply something or another. She was doing her best, she just had to hope Undyne could get the hint.

“Yeah? Anything I should know about?” Undyne said, raising a brow. “If there’s anything I know how to use, it’s excessive brute force!”

Susie couldn't help but grin. "What if I told you there was an actual crime right here in Hometown?" she said slyly. 

Undyne lit up. "Really?"

"Oh, yeah." she nodded. Then, she tensed a little. As cute as Undyne's excitement was, this was kind of a serious situation, and Susie was still in potential danger. "But seriously, this is like, a real as fuck crime."

"Why don't you come with me to my office?" Undyne said, then she gave a rough chuckle. "I always wanted to say that! Okay, for real, let's go."

Susie followed her into the station, then down the hallway to her office, sitting across from Undyne at her desk. From there, Susie did her best to explain the situation. Her dad's tendency to verbally degrade her, his inability to restrain himself, and how her recent relationship had affected those things. It was no secret that her dad wasn't a big fan of her dating a girl, as evidenced by his phone call from before. And again, there was the recent incident and Susie's still visible bruises. At this point she'd wished they were the work of a makeup artist, because her body still ached. Walking to the police station was kind of a chore.

Undyne nodded thoughtfully. Her initial excitement seemed to have worn off, and she was now in serious cop mode. "And you say he's been gone ever since?"

"Yup. Drove off. Mom's gone too, and I guess she went to find him." she told her, huffing. "I dunno why she cares about him. Fuck him! I don't care if he never comes back!"

"Language." Undyne said sternly, then she seemed to soften. "But this guy does sound pretty tough. Nothing a little abuse of power can't fix." she added with a wink. 

"So… you can help?" Susie looked up at her hopefully. 

"This is my moment! It's been so long since I got to wrassle a real ruffian!" she said. "Leave it to me!"

\--

Noelle only had so much time before visiting hours were over. She felt bad for neglecting to visit her father, but between school and Susie's situation, she really didn't have any open time to squeeze him in for. At least she was here now. That's what mattered, she supposed.

She stepped into her dad's room slowly, trying not to startle him. "Hey dad." she said softly.

Her father lifted his head. "Oh, hey there Noelle!"

"Sorry I haven't visited in a while." she said, stepping over to the side of his bed. "It's been a little crazy lately, haha."

"Yeah? How's school?"

Noelle shrugged. Oh boy, where should she even start? "It's good. Just the usual, I guess. Actually, I wanted to ask you about something…"

He sat up, or at least as best as he could without straining himself. "What's going through that head of yours?"

"Well, you know that girl I was telling you about?"

"Oh, yeah! Didja get around to talking to her? Maybe use some of my old moves on her?"

She giggled. "Oh my gosh, dad, no. But, I did talk to her, and she's actually really nice! Like, she honestly doesn't deserve what everyone at school says about her." she told him, then she sighed. "And… we're kind of dating now? I think?"

Her dad blinked, then grinned, leaning over to hug her. "You little charmer, you! Heh, that's my girl!"

Noelle blushed. "Daaad…"

"Alright, alright." he let her go, letting out a little cough. "Oof. I better take it easy."

"Be careful." 

"I know. Tell me about this girlfriend of yours. What was her name again?"

"Susie. And she's… strong. Really strong. And I feel so safe when I'm with her. It's kinda crazy, honestly. I've never felt like this before."

"D'aww."

Noelle shuffled a bit, breaking eye contact. "Actually, she's kinda going through some heavy stuff right now. And… I figured maybe you'd know how to help?"

Her father blinked at her. "Sure thing. Is everything okay?"

"That's the thing! I don't know! Okay, her dad is like, really scary. He's everything the people at school think Susie is, but a hundred times worse. He yells at her, and hits her, and he is really not okay with me dating her." she explained. It sounded pretty bad when she laid it out like that, but it was the truth.

"Hmm." her father seemed deep in thought. It was a lot to process, that was for sure. Then, he sighed. "There's only so much you can do, y'know? But what you can do is just be there for her. How's she doin' now?"

Noelle shrugged. "She's okay. I think she's at the police station right now."

"If anyone can help, it's probably Undyne." he chuckled. "But let Susie know she can stay at our place whenever, alright? Especially if her parents come back. And don't forget to take care of yourself, too. This is some rough stuff, but you gotta keep yourself in mind."

"Okay. Thanks, dad." she said.

"Anytime, kiddo. Tell her I said hi!"

Noelle smiled and hugged him. "I will. And I'll visit again tomorrow, okay?"

He gave her a thumbs up, and she turned and stepped out. She felt a surge of confidence in her chest. When times get rough, she was glad to have her dad. And speaking of dads, she hoped Susie was having good luck at the police station. She'd offer her assistance, but it's like her father said: she needs to take some time for herself sometimes. 

Noelle walked herself home. She felt exhausted, but she made an effort to take a warm bath. It only served to accentuate her tiredness, but it was pretty damn worth it when she finally put on her pajamas and crawled into bed. She gave a little yawn, curling up with her favorite cuddling pillow before slipping into a deep sleep. 

  
  


\--

First, Undyne had taken photo evidence of Susie's injuries. There were bruises up and down her arms, abrasions on her knees from catching herself after being yeeted halfway across the room, and plenty of little scraps and scratches from her father's claws. She supposed a bunch of tiny injuries were better than one huge one, but it still hurt to have all her sore spots prodded at.

Next, she examined Susie's house. There wasn't much to be seen there, except for a few drops of blood on the carpet and some things that got knocked over in their wild scuffle. Susie hadn't bothered to pick them up, but if her laziness was contributing to evidence, she wasn't really complaining. Take that, rules!

Undyne took a sample of the blood from the carpet. "I'm gonna need to run a test on this, just to be sure." she said, then gave a big grin. "I've always wanted to say that, too."

"Do you even have the stuff to do that?" Susie asked, crossing her arms. 

"Hey! I've got this covered!" she said sharply. Undyne didn't sound terribly confident, but Susie gave her the benefit of the doubt. They stepped outside together, watching as the sun started to dip below the horizon.

"...What if he comes back?" Susie asked, slightly more meekly this time. She hated sounding like that, but when fear's creeping through your very soul, it's hard to keep the edge out of your voice.

"Hmm. That's a thought. Okay, new plan! I'll drop the sample off at the station and take up a post here!" 

"What, you're just gonna sit outside my house?"

"For your own safety, kid. You know better than anyone that this guy's dangerous. Might as well have the best of the best as your first line of defense, eh?" she told her.

That… made sense, actually. She'd probably sleep easier knowing there was something stopping her dad from just showing up and busting out the chloroform on her in the middle of the night. Susie nodded, sighing deeply.

"I'll do the whole stakeout thing, alright? It's getting a little late." Undyne said, patting her on the shoulder reassuringly. "And no sneaking out past curfew." she added.

Susie defensively held up her hands before turning inside the house again. It wasn't terribly late, it was just winter doing that stupid thing where it's pitch black at 5 PM. Fuckin' daylight savings bullshit, that's what it was. She peeked out the window and saw Undyne's car parked in the driveway, with her chilling inside with her feet up on the dashboard. Well, if anything does happen, Susie would hear it. Undyne isn't exactly quiet, and neither is her father. Plus one of those people was significantly more armed than the other, so there was that.

She shrugged, heading upstairs. She didn't feel tired, but she just wanted to flop face down in her bed, and that she did. Briefly, she considered texting Noelle, but knowing her, the moment the sun went down, she was out like a light. It was kinda cute how diurnal she was. Susie blushed just thinking about her. So she just kept thinking about her. Like, a lot. She laid on her stomach, then on her back staring at the ceiling, and then she sat up once she realized she was drooling on herself. But no matter the position, she couldn't get her cute lil girlfriend out of her mind.

She sighed dreamily, huddling under the blanket and shutting her eyes. It took her a hot minute, but eventually she fell into a peaceful sleep. 

Something loud shook her from her sleep. She sat up, stretching and taking a look at the clock on her bedside table. 2:43 AM. Honestly, for when she went to bed it was a pretty decent sleep, but Susie needed at least 9 hours to be functional. She grumbled, trying to get her tired brain to focus on the commotion that sounded like it was coming from outside, near the front of the house.

It sounded like people arguing. Even though she couldn't make out any words, the tone still made her anxious. She fidgeted with her claws, which were still short and blunt from their recent trim. She just wanted to zone out and ignore it. At least, that was her initial plan, until the voices got louder, and she heard the distinct sound of a car door slamming. 

Susie pulled herself out of bed to look out the window, and sure enough, it was her dad. He was currently in full standoff mode with Undyne, who had her hand on her holster. Behind her father was, unsurprisingly, her mom, who seemed to be taking the defensive route and tried to snap her dad out of his blind fury. She rolled her eyes. She should probably get down there and intervene, shouldn't she? If she didn't, there was no telling what might happen. 

With a grumble, she lazily dressed herself and went downstairs, opening the front door. It caught everyone's attention, which seemed to break up the fight. That was good. But also everyone was looking at her. That was less good. Undyne looked protective, her mother looked apologetic, and her father, as usual, looked infuriated. 

"Wassup?" she said quietly. It was still real brain fog hours. Nobody should be expected to be coherent minutes after waking up. 

Her dad bared his teeth, and Undyne signaled for her to stay back. She sighed. It was between fuck off or get shot, and her dad was still riskin' around the Christmas tree. It was like he didn't care what happened to him as long as he got to drag Susie down with him. What an embarrassing way to live.

"You!" he growled.

She braced herself for something horrible. Whatcha got, gramps? Shitty insults? More assault?

Before he could do anything, Undyne gave her a knowing wink. ...What was that supposed to mean? She pulled her gun on him, then threw it like a boomerang. To everyone's surprise, it actually did the one thing boomerangs do: fly around in a fun little circle. Before it made its rounds back and bonked Undyne in the head, she busted out the handcuffs and gave a powerful yell, charging headfirst at Susie's dad.

They crashed to the ground, and while her father thrashed around and gave intimidating snaps of his jaws, she eventually had him cuffed, trapped in a headlock of some impressive fish biceps. Susie gave a little 'hell yeah!' of excitement. Her dad was pissed, glaring daggers into her, but when he was all tied up, he couldn't do shit. So she laughed at him. A lot. She probably seemed maniacal, but she hardly cared. He just got owned in the best way possible, and she was going to enjoy this moment while she could.

Undyne dragged him to the car, listing off all the things he was arrested for: child abuse, child endangerment, harassment, and probably something else. Legal jargon was beyond Susie's skillset. Her mother stood by her, apologizing quietly. Undyne got in her squad car, giving her two thumbs up as she pulled away. At least she made her day. But she definitely had to have a talk with her mom. This was a weird way to start the day. If anyone could consider this the beginning of a day at all. Susie was still kind of tired, and she can only imagine her mother was as well. She told her she'd see her in the morning, she just couldn't sleep in that house right now. 

She set off onto the street. The stars twinkled above, and she could see her own breath as she walked, snow crunching beneath her boots. So… her dad got arrested. That was kind of daunting to her. After everything that happened, that was just it. He was gone. Susie shook her head. She didn't want to think about this right now. All she wanted was to go the hell to sleep anywhere but her own house. 

She glanced around the dimly lit streets, as if something was going to jump out at her any second. The back of her neck prickled with fear, and subconsciously, she started walking faster, breaking into a trot.

The paranoia backed off once she approached Kris' house, and she timidly knocked on the door. Almost immediately, the door opened, and Kris was standing in front of her. They smiled when they saw her. It was like they just happened to be awake at 3 o'clock in the morning.

"You're a fuckin' cryptid." she said, stepping inside. 

Kris shrugged, holding her hand and leading her upstairs. Susie never understood why Kris was sometimes particular about the hand holding thing, but she didn't mind it so much since they started getting close. To her, it was a little silly. Immature, even. But Kris meant well, no matter how little she understood them. Carefully, they walked down the hall together and into Kris' room. They closed the door behind them and sat on their bed, looking up at Susie expectantly. 

"So." they said quietly.

Susie raised an eyebrow. "So what?"

"What's up?"

She had no idea where to begin on that one, so she just… went for it. She sat cross legged on the floor and told Kris about her weird day. How easy it was to wrangle Undyne, her adventures in a stakeout, and watching her dad get arrested in the most confusing yet badass way possible.

"You ever watch Cops? It was like that but on my fucking lawn, and my dad was there getting wailed on by a fish woman." was how she described the scenario. 

Kris nodded thoughtfully. 

"So yeah, that's the kinda day I've been having." she said, then groaned. "I'm so tired."

"You can sleep on the floor." Kris told her. 

That was one of her favorite sentences. She stood up to hug Kris, then gave them one of those friendly head bonks that cats do. Kris patted her on the head, and she spun around a couple times before settling down beside their bed, yawning.

"G'night Krispy." she mumbled.

Kris didn't reply, but she was too tired to properly notice. She closed her eyes, letting sleep take the reins for a few hours.

She noticed herself just sort of… drifting through the void. At first panic struck her, thinking her father had really got to her, and that this was the afterlife. It reminded her of the broken closet at school, but with less falling and more slow, floaty descending. It was so dark, she couldn't even see her hands in front of her. Looking up, she saw a bright pink star glowing in the distance. Looking down, there was an endless stretch of nothingness. As she sunk down further, she noticed it wasn't an open space, and was more like a tube. She could touch the sides and stop herself from sinking, so naturally, she fucked around with that for a while, turning herself upside down and spinning around while she had floating powers. After a while, she saw the sides of the tube were glittering with stars, kind of like that weird space she had seen in other dreams. She glanced up, and the pink star turned to an angry red. Fear stabbed at her heart, and she jolted awake, snarling at… nothing. 

She was still in Kris' bedroom. Faint light was creeping in from under the drapes, but it was clear the sun wasn't up yet. Susie sat on the floor, staring at the wall and zoning out to the rhythm of Kris' gentle breathing. She needed a break from this reality shit, man.

\--

Oh fuck, school. Susie really didn't feel up for it, but Kris practically forced her to go. They were hard to say no to. 

As she walked through the halls, she caught herself scanning crowds for Noelle any chance she got. Just hoping she might be able to see her little antlers poking through the throng of children. 

"Picking your next victim?" an obnoxious voice asked somewhere behind her.

She groaned. Really? Right now, of all times? She turned around to face King Nuisance himself. Berdly wasn't a short guy, but Susie was absolutely taller than him. "You seem like the type to rat people out." she said, clenching her fists. 

Berdly gave a little pause, as if considering. She knew he was afraid of her, at least a little bit. Everyone was. Then, he spoke. "Maybe if you got physical, we wouldn't have to _deal_ with you anymore." he said, giving her an honest to god weak-ass shove. 

Susie barely took a step back from it. Regaining what little balance she lost, she glared at him. Apparently he wasn't done talking.

"You belong in the same cage as your weird dad." 

That set her off. It was like her stomach was full of gasoline and she just swallowed a lit match. Without thinking, she barreled forward, ramming into Berdly all the way down the hall until they slammed into the lockers at the end of it. She bared her teeth and gave a dark growl, holding him by the collar of his shirt. His eyes were wild with fear, and it made Susie pause. This is what her father would do. She wasn't as bad as him, was she?

She spun around, still holding Berdly, then threw him onto the floor. He looked like he was about to speak again. 

Before he could, Susie snapped at him. "Shut up! Just… shut the fuck up!" 

To her embarrassment, she sounded more like an upset child than whatever she was when she attacked him. She stormed off, sitting next to the supply closet at the end of the other hall, hugging her knees. She wasn't like that. She wasn't a monster, not like him. ...Was she?

The thought made her head hurt. Her throat felt tight and she was still burning with rage. She knew Berdly would be the little fucking tattle that he is. She knew she was in trouble, but it wasn't anything new. Glancing down at her hands, she was suddenly very uncomfortable with having her claws out of commission. She wanted to tear herself up. She deserved some sort of punishment after what she did, didn't she?

She forced herself to lean straight against the wall, putting her hands into her pockets. _No. No. Stop thinking like that. Look around. This is all real. And this stupid world will punish you enough just for existing._

Damn. Her internal monologue was on a roll. And it was right, actually. She didn't deserve to be hurt. Not any more than she already was. She wiped away the single tear she shed during the whole ordeal, giving a deep sigh. Her throat didn't feel so tight anymore, and her body had cooled down a bit. That was good. _Keep breathing_ , she told herself. 

Approaching footsteps snapped her out of the relaxation zone. Panicking, she quickly opened the closet and shoved herself in, peeking through the weird little holes on the door. Someone was calling out for her.

"Susie? Where are you?"

She kept herself hidden, hardly making a sound until the person was right in front of the closet. Susie carefully checked the door's handle, making sure it was actually closed, or locked, or anything. It was a real confusing doorknob, and by now she had leaned most of her weight on the door, trying to wrestle the stupid thing. One wrong move had sprung the door open and sent Susie face-first onto the floor.

Whoever was in front of the closet yelped, backing up.

"Ow." Susie said quietly. It was kind of like a shark situation. Getting bonked on the snout always left her dazed for a little while.

"Susie? What… what were you doing in there?" 

Upon looking up at her visitor, it was Noelle. Oh god, now she felt really stupid. She just faceplanted in front of her girlfriend. This was not a good look for her. "Just hanging out." she croaked.

Noelle sighed, helping her off the ground. "Are you okay…? You really toppled over there." 

"M'good. I almost beat the snot out of bird bitch." she told her, poking her nostrils to make sure she wasn't bleeding.

"Wait, Berdly? What did he do?" Noelle asked. She looked concerned, with a side of accusation. Susie hoped she wouldn't be mad at her.

"He was being a jerk! And it pissed me off, and I almost hit him, and I was like…" Susie started to explain, then trailed off. "He said I should be in jail like my dad." she finished, looking rather grim.

"Susie, you know that's not true. Also, wait, your dad got arrested? Where was I?"

"Uhh you went to see your dad? And I went to see Undyne. She beat his ass." she chuckled.

Noelle blinked, seemingly shocked. "Oh my gosh. That must've been so awesome! I'm… I'm glad he's gone. And I'm glad you're here." 

Susie blushed, then she paused. "I still have to talk to my mom."

"She's like… normal, right? She seemed normal when I saw her."

"She tries her best, she just thinks she can fix people. People like my dad. She's not like him, though." she told her. Noelle looked relieved. 

"That's good to hear." she said, then the bell rang out through the halls. "Shoot."

Susie gave her a reassuring head pat, then headed out toward the gym for some quality physical education. Not like she needed it. She was already kinda shredded, even though most of it was chub. It still counted. Noelle walked with her, holding her hand the whole way.


End file.
